4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all I heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!
Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys... I am sorry Dad..."
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks... but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....
I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
And one of the letters broke my heart....
Dear Mummy,
I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn’t help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why haven’t you appear?
After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.
For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
Wednesday, October 28
Monday, October 19
kids say the darnest things!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some ofyour hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ]There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some ofyour hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ]There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Sunday, October 18
world of stupidity...
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a "diet" soda?
Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair ... but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a "diet" soda?
Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair ... but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Saturday, October 10
Was reading 8 Days when I came across an interview with Zooey Deschanel, star of (500) Days of Summer. In the interview, she said this:
Everyone has the heartbreak that shapes them in a way that they could never go back to the innocence that they had before. It's beautiful and poignant and bittersweet to explore. It is an universally appealing theme because if you haven't been through this, you probably will at some point. The fear of losing love is the dark side. But the wonderful side is the feeling that you get when you fall in love.
That's so true and speaks to my heart....
Everyone has the heartbreak that shapes them in a way that they could never go back to the innocence that they had before. It's beautiful and poignant and bittersweet to explore. It is an universally appealing theme because if you haven't been through this, you probably will at some point. The fear of losing love is the dark side. But the wonderful side is the feeling that you get when you fall in love.
That's so true and speaks to my heart....
Best fried chicken I've tasted.... Woori Nara Restaurant!
Just came home from a girls' nite out with April and Shi Ling. April had a craving for Korean food so I went to dig out an article I cut out some time back. The review for fried chicken at Woori Nara Restaurant at Upper Bukit Timah was good so we decided to check the place out.
When we got there, we ordered the half-boneless chicken in 2 flavours - Volcano Yum Yum and Soy Garlic. They were recommended in the article. We also ordered Ddeokbokki (Chewy Rice Cakes in Spicy Sauce), Gimbap (Seaweed Rice Rolls) and Oden Tang (fishcake soup). We were thinking that this should be manageable between 3 of us. When the food came, we were like OOOMMMGGG! The servings were generous and we ate till we were stuffed! Looks like I have found a new joint to satisfy my Korean food craving.
After that, we went down to Udders for ice-cream. They had an impressive range of alcoholic ice-cream. They had tira-miss-u, lychee martini, bailey's & bourbon, rum and raisin etc... simply too many for me to choose from. If I had a free rein, I'll prob end up sampling every single flavour.... alas, I had to settle on tira-miss-u and bailey's & bourbon....
It was wonderful catching up with the gals. It's strange that you see each other daily but yet you have no time to catch up. Must to this more often... with more good food of cos!
When we got there, we ordered the half-boneless chicken in 2 flavours - Volcano Yum Yum and Soy Garlic. They were recommended in the article. We also ordered Ddeokbokki (Chewy Rice Cakes in Spicy Sauce), Gimbap (Seaweed Rice Rolls) and Oden Tang (fishcake soup). We were thinking that this should be manageable between 3 of us. When the food came, we were like OOOMMMGGG! The servings were generous and we ate till we were stuffed! Looks like I have found a new joint to satisfy my Korean food craving.
After that, we went down to Udders for ice-cream. They had an impressive range of alcoholic ice-cream. They had tira-miss-u, lychee martini, bailey's & bourbon, rum and raisin etc... simply too many for me to choose from. If I had a free rein, I'll prob end up sampling every single flavour.... alas, I had to settle on tira-miss-u and bailey's & bourbon....
It was wonderful catching up with the gals. It's strange that you see each other daily but yet you have no time to catch up. Must to this more often... with more good food of cos!
Wednesday, August 26
Life thus far...
It's been almost 3 months since I've last blogged... these last 3 months have been pretty busy...
My bro got married on 1 August so we spent weekends to help to deliver invites as well as help him settle in his new rented flat. The wedding was simple yet very lovely... Raffles Town Club is a good place to do if you would like a hotel-type wedding at restaurant prices! The decor was beautiful plus my Aunt Iris helped to add lovely finishing touches to it.
It's amazing how my bro and my sis-in-law managed to pull the whole thing off by themselves. It was many months of hard work and preparation as well as sleepless nights. But I believe such is necessary to help you grow as a couple. I can see how in love they are and how this whole preparation has brought them closer together.
I've also been busy with work. Term 3 is always the craziest term but amidst all the mayham and madness, I found time to love myelf and make time for myself, doing the things I love. I've been able to spend time with different groups, catching up with them as well as doing things together like dinners, going for short trips and watching movies.
I've also started my Korean Language classes. It's really fun but I have to admit it was tough. It's never easy learning a new language but it has put language teaching in a new perspective for me. It took 3 lessons to learn the alphabet so I can technically read korean now... just that it takes me a long time. I'm still not good with the complicated vowels and final consonant.
I also had to help my mom with caring for my grandma. Looking at her, I really believe that as people get older, they regress into their second childhood. Grandma's behaving like a kid these days, prone to sometimes unreasonable tantrums, frustrating everyone. Praying for patience...
My bro got married on 1 August so we spent weekends to help to deliver invites as well as help him settle in his new rented flat. The wedding was simple yet very lovely... Raffles Town Club is a good place to do if you would like a hotel-type wedding at restaurant prices! The decor was beautiful plus my Aunt Iris helped to add lovely finishing touches to it.
It's amazing how my bro and my sis-in-law managed to pull the whole thing off by themselves. It was many months of hard work and preparation as well as sleepless nights. But I believe such is necessary to help you grow as a couple. I can see how in love they are and how this whole preparation has brought them closer together.
I've also been busy with work. Term 3 is always the craziest term but amidst all the mayham and madness, I found time to love myelf and make time for myself, doing the things I love. I've been able to spend time with different groups, catching up with them as well as doing things together like dinners, going for short trips and watching movies.
I've also started my Korean Language classes. It's really fun but I have to admit it was tough. It's never easy learning a new language but it has put language teaching in a new perspective for me. It took 3 lessons to learn the alphabet so I can technically read korean now... just that it takes me a long time. I'm still not good with the complicated vowels and final consonant.
I also had to help my mom with caring for my grandma. Looking at her, I really believe that as people get older, they regress into their second childhood. Grandma's behaving like a kid these days, prone to sometimes unreasonable tantrums, frustrating everyone. Praying for patience...
Thursday, June 11
My Love Tribute to Godma
How do you ever begin to thank some one for 11 years of wonderful memories? I never thought about it until I felt I wanted to share a special memory of Godma at the wake. The truth is, there are so many memories that I can't put a finger as to where to begin...
After the cremation was over and we returned to Fernvale (Godma's place), Aunt Carol was sharing with us how Godma used to care for so many people whom she felt strongly about that Aunt Carol used to call them Godma's strays.
And yes, I was one of the many strays. And I was proud to have been her stray... With her, there was always life's lessons to be taught. Thanks to her, I am the person I've become today. And because of the seeds she has sown in my life, I know I can live strong and she can continue to be proud of me when she looks down at me from above.
When I first knew her, she was just my Literature teacher whom I was very close to. I was a quite dim and always had to stay back to ask questions. She was often very patient with me and would use a lot of analogies to help me to understand (yes, that was how stupid I was!). Her patience made me admire her very much as a teacher and fuelled my passion for Literature. Although I enjoyed reading and watching movies, I usually do not think very deeply about them. She was the one who taught me how to look for similarities, parallels and symbols in the books and movies. Thanks to her, I never saw Matrix the same way again.
When I joined the Drama Club and had to work closely with her as she was the teacher advisor, she taught me the importance of standards and not to compromise and settle for second best. She always looked into the big and little details. To her, having the sofa placed right was never enough. There had to be a lovely throw over the sofa (which she brought from home) to cover how ugly the sofa looked. If it was the Valentine's Day production, she would bring rose-scented candles and perfumes to make the room smell nice. For Christmas production, it would be Christmas candles and potpourri. No matter how tiring setting up the set for our productions were, she would be working side by side with us. And lo and behold, by the time we were done, we would usually always wow people away with our set.
When putting up productions, she was teacher, actress, director, choreographer... all rolled into one. When we put up my last (as well as her last) dance drama, we practiced for 7 months to get it right and she would contort my body into strange movements so she could see what the steps she choreographed would look like. She would never make us do anything which she hasn't attempted in her mind's eye and by herself.
After months of Wed evening rehearsals (3 hours) and Sat rehearsals (8 hours), I was the most fit ever. I was 41 kg and acquired a 23" waist (which was never to be seen again) and for the first time in my life, I passed physical fitness test!
During the duration of that 7 months of preparation for production, she dragged us around shopping for costumes. Thanks to her, I now know where to buy costumes that would be value for money and how to embellish costumes using beads and feathers to achieve the effect I want. Because of her, I learnt the importance of value for money and thanks to her, I have learnt how to walk 10 shops to find the exact dress I want and at the price I want. She taught me the importance of thrift.
At a time when I lacked guidance, she took on a more pivotal role in my life and would often give me a gentle advice to nudge me in the right direction. Every time I felt lost and was unsure about what I should do, she was always a phone call away or I would hop down to her place and and long sessions chatting with her. She was a smart woman. She never told me what I should you. She knew stubborn lil me wouldn't have listen if she took that approach. Instead, she always asked me what I wanted and after I shared with her, she would list me the pros and cons of my decisions. Over the years, thanks to her, I learnt how to look further into my decision making. Because of that, I've learnt how to make wiser decisions. In the last 5 years, when I tell her about how things are going in my life and why I made the decisions I did, she always nodded, affirming that I've grown up and have become wiser. Seriously, I would never have been able to do that without her influence in my life.
She was also more innovative and forward than anyone of us. Before educators talked about using new media in teaching, she was already doing that. Back in 1998, she always did film and book comparisons and got us to think about how Shakespeare intended the play to be and how the film version differed and why. She was even able to hunt for Hindi movies that had a storyline that parallelled Hamlet and got us thinking about how cultural differences affected the slant of the play. In later years, she went on to using song lyrics to teach comparison poetries and would show MTVs from YouTube to help students understand the lyrics better. When she was away from school often due to her medical treatments, she set up a blog so that she would be able to post notes from home. New challenges have never frazzled her, she simply just embraced them...
Personally, she taught me strength, faith and courage. When we were looking at one of the photos taken in Melbourne by Richard of her at prayer, Aunt Carol commented how much faith and gratitude Godma showed when she prayed. Indeed, she was very grateful to God for each day she had. In the posts on her blog and her emails to Aruna (who printed them out and showed us at the wake), she counted each day she had with us as a blessing. Although cancer was a hard lover to her, she never blamed God for things that happened to her. She used her life as a personal story to constantly encourage others around her. When a girl in my college cohort came down with ovarian cancer and had to withdraw from school, Godma shut herself in the music room for over an hour with this girl so she could comfort and encourage her. When Daniel's friend discovered he suffered from leukemia, Godma met up with him and encouraged him which gave him strength to continue treatments.
To make us all feel better, she always tried to make light of situations. When she was warded in hospital to go for her spine surgery, she was ogling at the cute doctor who was telling her about the complications of the surgery which included paralysis. After the doctor left, she asked me if I noticed the name of the doctor so she could put a name to the cute face. Aunt Carol thought we were both quite stupid that we only noticed how cute the doctor was and not the seriousness of his explanations. When she went for her first radiosurgery, she would always tell us that it was a privilege to be selected as the first patient to use the machine on the spine cos the machine is usually used for neurosurgery.
Despite the difficulties, pain and sufferings that she went through, it had never stopped her from living life fully. She always did the things she wanted to do which also included taking her Master's in Literature when she was in her forties. Although she had to work harder than other students as she had not done academic writing for so many years as well as she had to defer semesters as she had to go for medical treatments, she struggled through and came out triumphant. She was very proud when she finished her course and could go up to the stage with her cane to personally collect her certificate.
Not only did she live life fully, she also encouraged others to. She would often nag at me to quickly finish my degree. When I finished my degree, she nagged at me to start my Master's. She would also often nag at me to date and not sit around her house so much. She tried fixing me up with a good Christian man like her pastor's son, new colleagues that join the school etc. Perhaps she felt that in singlehood, she missed out on motherhood. This probably explained why she 'mothered' so many of her pupils and paid special attention to the 'strays' (like me!). She probably did not want me to miss out on motherhood too.
I am grateful that she gave me Melbourne to remember. Those days were so much fun as we shared a room together. There was much fun and laughter during the trip and the best holiday photographs I have taken was in Melbourne.
I'm also glad we had a lovely celebration on Jeremy's 19th birthday together. I had a chef to come to the house to cook a lovely meal for us and although Godma's appetite wasn't great during that time, she loved the excitement of it. That was also our last celebration with her...
This weekend is the first weekend not spent with her and it just seems so strange... weekends are just not going to be the same again. In fact, Fernvale felt strange without Godma being there. When I slept over on Sunday night to ensure that the maids would be alright and not be overcome with grief, I just couldn't sleep. I had to hug Crinkles (her beloved bear) and hold her cross to get some peace. Christmas and New Year is also not going to be the same. I'm never going to be able to play with sparklers and poppers and not remember her. I'm also sad knowing that she would never get a chance to see me at my wedding (if there is ever going to be one) but I do know that if there was going to be one, she would have been the happiest to see her final wish fulfilled.
Godma has left a part of herself in the lives that she touched, including mine, and because of that, I will always remember her with fondest memories. The first year might be the hardest and yes, I will grieve but when the grieving is over, I will be strong and live life fully, with fond memories in my heart for she has given me many beautiful memories over the last 11 years.
Thank you and I will miss you always...
After the cremation was over and we returned to Fernvale (Godma's place), Aunt Carol was sharing with us how Godma used to care for so many people whom she felt strongly about that Aunt Carol used to call them Godma's strays.
And yes, I was one of the many strays. And I was proud to have been her stray... With her, there was always life's lessons to be taught. Thanks to her, I am the person I've become today. And because of the seeds she has sown in my life, I know I can live strong and she can continue to be proud of me when she looks down at me from above.
When I first knew her, she was just my Literature teacher whom I was very close to. I was a quite dim and always had to stay back to ask questions. She was often very patient with me and would use a lot of analogies to help me to understand (yes, that was how stupid I was!). Her patience made me admire her very much as a teacher and fuelled my passion for Literature. Although I enjoyed reading and watching movies, I usually do not think very deeply about them. She was the one who taught me how to look for similarities, parallels and symbols in the books and movies. Thanks to her, I never saw Matrix the same way again.
When I joined the Drama Club and had to work closely with her as she was the teacher advisor, she taught me the importance of standards and not to compromise and settle for second best. She always looked into the big and little details. To her, having the sofa placed right was never enough. There had to be a lovely throw over the sofa (which she brought from home) to cover how ugly the sofa looked. If it was the Valentine's Day production, she would bring rose-scented candles and perfumes to make the room smell nice. For Christmas production, it would be Christmas candles and potpourri. No matter how tiring setting up the set for our productions were, she would be working side by side with us. And lo and behold, by the time we were done, we would usually always wow people away with our set.
When putting up productions, she was teacher, actress, director, choreographer... all rolled into one. When we put up my last (as well as her last) dance drama, we practiced for 7 months to get it right and she would contort my body into strange movements so she could see what the steps she choreographed would look like. She would never make us do anything which she hasn't attempted in her mind's eye and by herself.
After months of Wed evening rehearsals (3 hours) and Sat rehearsals (8 hours), I was the most fit ever. I was 41 kg and acquired a 23" waist (which was never to be seen again) and for the first time in my life, I passed physical fitness test!
During the duration of that 7 months of preparation for production, she dragged us around shopping for costumes. Thanks to her, I now know where to buy costumes that would be value for money and how to embellish costumes using beads and feathers to achieve the effect I want. Because of her, I learnt the importance of value for money and thanks to her, I have learnt how to walk 10 shops to find the exact dress I want and at the price I want. She taught me the importance of thrift.
At a time when I lacked guidance, she took on a more pivotal role in my life and would often give me a gentle advice to nudge me in the right direction. Every time I felt lost and was unsure about what I should do, she was always a phone call away or I would hop down to her place and and long sessions chatting with her. She was a smart woman. She never told me what I should you. She knew stubborn lil me wouldn't have listen if she took that approach. Instead, she always asked me what I wanted and after I shared with her, she would list me the pros and cons of my decisions. Over the years, thanks to her, I learnt how to look further into my decision making. Because of that, I've learnt how to make wiser decisions. In the last 5 years, when I tell her about how things are going in my life and why I made the decisions I did, she always nodded, affirming that I've grown up and have become wiser. Seriously, I would never have been able to do that without her influence in my life.
She was also more innovative and forward than anyone of us. Before educators talked about using new media in teaching, she was already doing that. Back in 1998, she always did film and book comparisons and got us to think about how Shakespeare intended the play to be and how the film version differed and why. She was even able to hunt for Hindi movies that had a storyline that parallelled Hamlet and got us thinking about how cultural differences affected the slant of the play. In later years, she went on to using song lyrics to teach comparison poetries and would show MTVs from YouTube to help students understand the lyrics better. When she was away from school often due to her medical treatments, she set up a blog so that she would be able to post notes from home. New challenges have never frazzled her, she simply just embraced them...
Personally, she taught me strength, faith and courage. When we were looking at one of the photos taken in Melbourne by Richard of her at prayer, Aunt Carol commented how much faith and gratitude Godma showed when she prayed. Indeed, she was very grateful to God for each day she had. In the posts on her blog and her emails to Aruna (who printed them out and showed us at the wake), she counted each day she had with us as a blessing. Although cancer was a hard lover to her, she never blamed God for things that happened to her. She used her life as a personal story to constantly encourage others around her. When a girl in my college cohort came down with ovarian cancer and had to withdraw from school, Godma shut herself in the music room for over an hour with this girl so she could comfort and encourage her. When Daniel's friend discovered he suffered from leukemia, Godma met up with him and encouraged him which gave him strength to continue treatments.
To make us all feel better, she always tried to make light of situations. When she was warded in hospital to go for her spine surgery, she was ogling at the cute doctor who was telling her about the complications of the surgery which included paralysis. After the doctor left, she asked me if I noticed the name of the doctor so she could put a name to the cute face. Aunt Carol thought we were both quite stupid that we only noticed how cute the doctor was and not the seriousness of his explanations. When she went for her first radiosurgery, she would always tell us that it was a privilege to be selected as the first patient to use the machine on the spine cos the machine is usually used for neurosurgery.
Despite the difficulties, pain and sufferings that she went through, it had never stopped her from living life fully. She always did the things she wanted to do which also included taking her Master's in Literature when she was in her forties. Although she had to work harder than other students as she had not done academic writing for so many years as well as she had to defer semesters as she had to go for medical treatments, she struggled through and came out triumphant. She was very proud when she finished her course and could go up to the stage with her cane to personally collect her certificate.
Not only did she live life fully, she also encouraged others to. She would often nag at me to quickly finish my degree. When I finished my degree, she nagged at me to start my Master's. She would also often nag at me to date and not sit around her house so much. She tried fixing me up with a good Christian man like her pastor's son, new colleagues that join the school etc. Perhaps she felt that in singlehood, she missed out on motherhood. This probably explained why she 'mothered' so many of her pupils and paid special attention to the 'strays' (like me!). She probably did not want me to miss out on motherhood too.
I am grateful that she gave me Melbourne to remember. Those days were so much fun as we shared a room together. There was much fun and laughter during the trip and the best holiday photographs I have taken was in Melbourne.
I'm also glad we had a lovely celebration on Jeremy's 19th birthday together. I had a chef to come to the house to cook a lovely meal for us and although Godma's appetite wasn't great during that time, she loved the excitement of it. That was also our last celebration with her...
This weekend is the first weekend not spent with her and it just seems so strange... weekends are just not going to be the same again. In fact, Fernvale felt strange without Godma being there. When I slept over on Sunday night to ensure that the maids would be alright and not be overcome with grief, I just couldn't sleep. I had to hug Crinkles (her beloved bear) and hold her cross to get some peace. Christmas and New Year is also not going to be the same. I'm never going to be able to play with sparklers and poppers and not remember her. I'm also sad knowing that she would never get a chance to see me at my wedding (if there is ever going to be one) but I do know that if there was going to be one, she would have been the happiest to see her final wish fulfilled.
Godma has left a part of herself in the lives that she touched, including mine, and because of that, I will always remember her with fondest memories. The first year might be the hardest and yes, I will grieve but when the grieving is over, I will be strong and live life fully, with fond memories in my heart for she has given me many beautiful memories over the last 11 years.
Thank you and I will miss you always...
Monday, June 8
In loving memory... beloved Godma, Rosalind Gurupatham Jeyamoney
My beloved Godma went home with our Heavenly Father and entered Eternal Glory at 6.25 pm on Sunday, 7th June 2009.She has served God her whole life as a dutiful daughter, wonderful sister, beloved mother and inspirational teacher. She has lived up to her name, Rosalind, Giver of Love and it is my greatest honour to have known her as Rosy, the daughter, sister and mother & Rosalind, the teacher.
She left peacefully and beautifully. She fought the good fight till the very end and is now dancing in heaven with our Heavenly Father.
Caring for her brought me the greatest joy. I am blessed that she gave me the privilege to have cared for her and held her hand until the very end. She left me no rooms for regrets and for that I am blessed. Thank you...
There will be nightly services on Monday, 8th June and Tuesday, 9th June at the Singapore Casket, Level 5, Regency Room @ 8 pm. We will have a 'Celebration of her Life' memorial on Wednesday, 10th June at St Andrew's Cathedral @ 10.30 am.
There will be no mourning colours because Rosy loved parties most.
For those who are coming, bring a single stalk of red rose, in memory of the most beautiful Rose of them all.
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