Updates on Godma...

She has been out of the hospital for 2 weeks and is resting at home now. Although she was supposed to go back to school, she hasn't been looking too good so Aunt Carol extended her medical leave for these 2 weeks.

Honestly, she hasn't been doing too well since she left the hospital. She's suffering and it's plain to see. Her hospice nurse would like her to be put in full-time hospice care. She feels that current home care is insufficient to see to her needs. This is true... Lilik (God bless her heart!) has been doing her upmost best to care for Nana and Godma (Godma has jokingly called her house 'The Fernvale Nursing Home'). She tends to the bed sores, wounds etc the way she was taught by Aunt Carol or the hospice nurse when she goes on home visits. However, Lilik is not a trained professional. There is only so much she can do. While the hospice nurse wants Godma in full-time care, she doesn't realise that it's Godma who doesn't want it. Aunt Carol has been told to persuade her but we know what she will flare up.

Godma is a force of nature... She has a will-power that never cease to amaze me. I have never met someone with a stronger will to live than her and it is this will that does not allow her to give up. She will often try to mask whatever suffering she goes through to assure us she's fine. Like when I told her she looked a lil peaked today from sleep deprivation, she was super alert the whole afternoon and refused to lie down for a nap. She does all kinds of things to reassure us she's ok. However, we do sense her insecurities from her subtle actions. She has been down with a slight diarrhoea these couple of days but she refuses to take medication. She also hasn't been sleeping well but she refused to take sleeping pills for fear that she would not wake up.

It has been difficult for me to see what she's going through and how her health has been deteriorating each week I see her. When I go over each week, I can see how frail she's becoming. She doesn't talk much these days (gradual losing of voice) and when she does, it is also weak and frail compared to the past. Movement has also become slow for her has she doesn't have much strength in her hands and fingers. Sometimes, she will have difficulties opening her pill box to get her meds out. When I'm there, I don't do much except watch telly with her and help her out whenever she needs help. But I know she enjoys having someone accompany her, even if it's just for a while.

Sometimes when I look at her, I wonder if she is hanging on, because she loves and appreciate life too much to go or she hangs in there for us, because she knows we are not ready to say goodbye to her. Regardless, life is transient and while I do not know how long more Godma can spend with us, I would like to spend as much time as I can so there will be no regrets when the day comes.

Like Lulu's 'To Sir, With Love' goes,

But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn't easy, but I'll try

A friend who taught me right from wrong
And weak from strong, That's a lot to learn
What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon, I would try to make a start
But I, would rather you let me give my heart
To Sir, with Love

Give Thanks!

In this past month, God has been good and faithful in many areas of my life.

In my career...

Performance bonus was out. I was worried that I wouldn't do well as I got to a bit of a rocky start last year and personally, I knew I wasn't functioning at my best. I felt like I wasn't valued in what I do. However, the quantum given for my performance bonus has assured me that I was on the right track. In fact, I was more than grateful for this as it is the highest I have ever gotten in 6 years. Praise God... With the money, I was able to clear my loans more quickly.

I've also been promoted. This equates to having extra $$$ which came in at the right time. I have given up doing tuition to spend more time with loved ones and was worried that I would be financially tight with a car to maintain. Having the extra dole means I don't have to keep counting pennies... lolz

Just when I feel like I wasn't heading anywhere in my career, I was called in to my VP's office yesterday. She asked if me I was ready to go for the Level Head interview. If I clear the interview, I would be officially appointed and be given an allowance for the work that I have been doing. Frankly, although I have been doing the work so I might as well be paid for it, I am thankful that this came when I feel like I'm in a transition. When I attended a meeting, I did indicate my interest in joining HQ so I was contacted by HQ officers this week. Though neither positions were secured, I am able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and am filled with new hope that my career is not stagnated.

As for my car...

My friend's brother called me this morning to tell me there there are a few good second-hand cars which would be auctioned off in May. This means that I would be able to get an almost brand-new car (they are only a few months old) and a lower price, making my car ownership more affordable. This means that I would be able to own my own car by May.... Hello Kitty car, here I come!

With good things happening, how not to give thanks for what I have been given? While it is important to give thanks, my Mom reminded me to bless others with what I have. This is so true! The more you give and share, the more you will be blessed abundantly....

I just realised that I haven't blogged for over 3 months. Lolz...

This has been a really busy 3 months since school re-opened. I've got a Primary 1 class this year and I'm definitely loving my class more this year compared to last year. There's something about teaching young kids. Kids just say the darnest things! Sometimes, I don't even know whether to laugh and scold them for their behaviour or things they say.

But when they see me setting up the class or packing up, everyone just rushes to switch off the lights and fans, close the windows, pluu up the screen, sweep the floor.... it's just so adorable. Strange but my P1s are more 'auto' than my P2s last year.

This year is also a challenge as I have special needs pupils in class. The first month was soooo trying, learning how to cope with my special needs boy and at the same time, others who are equally demanding for my attention. After a term, I've survived.... better and stronger... Lolz...

Work-wise, things haven't changed but I've learnt how to change my perspective and take things less personal. In terms of work system, things are also more structured so my roles have also been more defined and definite. As such, I've become happier and more settled this year.

VIPs in my life...

Godma hasn't been doing too good. She was warded 2 weeks ago for vomitting. A build-up of toxins in the kidneys have caused nausea and diarrhoea. Now, there are tests done to check for any bugs in the stomach. Results will only be out tomorrow. I haven't been around to visit as I have been nursing a very bad cough which has yet to clear.

About the family, lil bro is getting married this August! Congrats! Everyone seems to be getting married around me. Mom's friend just called today to invite Mom to her daughter's wedding. Although this is the age where every one seems to be getting married, I'm not bitten my the marriage bug although I've been bugged by the issue.

Yesterday, when we went on a school trip to Batam, I had some time on the bus to myself where I pondered over this... There are days when I celebrate my singlehood but there are also days when I lament over it and wonder if there was something wrong with me for not wanting to even meet new people. Conclusion? Frankly, I'm too tired (physically and emotionally). I don't I have that interest nor energy for the dating game. The thought of putting myself in a situation where I have to construct conversation to pass the time is absolute torture. I supposed if I met someone who clicked with me, it wouldn't be like that.

Anyway, I'm a fatalist this year. 'Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done' I'm going to leave everything in God's hands and take it easy. After all, the path set before me has already been destined. If it is in His Will, it will happen according to his plan. No point being a worry-wort over everything. :)

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down. 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think, 'Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.'

The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' he asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you, Daddy!' he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled upbills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

Time spent with our family is always priceless...

You are Special!

One day, a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then, she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday, she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers, who acted as pallbearer, came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked.

She nodded, 'Yes.'

Then he said, 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew, without looking, that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary.'

Then, Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued, 'I think we all saved our lists.'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. Tell the people you love and care for that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

Letter from God

Today, I will be handling ALL of your problems for you. I do not need your help. So, have a nice day. I love you.

P.S. Remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, DO NOT attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in MY TIME, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic jam, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard-of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Count our blessings. So simple and yet hard to do! We are often bothered by what we don't have, rather than what we have. As such, life becomes complicated and an unhappy experience. When we count our blessings, life becomes simple and we can live much happier!

Happy Holidays!

Although I did not go overseas this holiday, this is by far one of the better holiday. Cos Mommy is on leave as well. We have been spending time doing things together... taking her out, doing things for her, watching telly together with her...

I think it has been a great holiday spent with Mommy.... she has been happy too! :)

April's Wedding!

April finally got married yesterday... after an almost decade-long courtship with Jun Hao, affectionally known as JH. It was so wonderful to see her settled down after all the trials in their relationship. To maintain a relationship for 10 years and grow into each other's best friend has not been an easy journey for them, but they have done it. Congrats!

It was a really beautiful wedding. The decor at Grand Hyatt was really classy. Plus the food was good. It was also a wonderful gathering of ex-colleagues. Unfortunately, there were quite a lot who were unable to make it. They were either overseas or fell sick. Despite that, everyone had a great time and April was thrilled to see everyone.

She wanted to linger with us to chat and take photos. Unfortunately, she had to go to other tables too. Anyway, I'm meeting her for lunch this Thurs, as a post-wedding celebration. I really wish her happiness in this journey ahead. ;)

Joys of car ownership!

My friend's bro (the one who got me a good deal for my car) has rented me a car to drive around and practice till my car arrives. I'm been driving myself around since Monday evening, a one week old driver... lolz.

Right now, I'm enjoying the bliss of car ownership. My mom commented that since I've started driving, I've become more happy. :)

Honestly, a car has provided me a lifestyle that I've always wanted. I am able to get from place to place, with less hassle and less time spent on transport. I've also been able to do more things for my dear mom and godma. I feel that with the car, I have been able to bless people I care about.

Monday
Drove Mom to my Uncle's house to see Grandma. Mom hasn't been there since Sept. My uncle stays in the middle of the Bukit Timah private houses. It's diff to get there without transport and Mom doesn't like to rely on my uncle and aunts to drive her back. Too much hassle for them.

Tuesday
Drove to school for meeting. Drove my colleagues, Ben and David, out for a yummy lunch at Yuhua Hawker Centre. Went hospital to see Godma. Pick Mom up after work - she carried more stuff back knowing I was going to pick her up.

Wednesday
Drove to school to settle finance issues. Went to my paternal Grandma's place for lunch. Collected a free gift at Techpoint for Mom. Went to buy my Hello Kitty car accessories. Visited Godma after her discharge. Drove out to hunt for drainage bags - hers had a leak.

Thursday
Survived the Orchard traffic by driving myself for gym lessons.

Friday
Drove to school to settle finance issue once again... sigh... Had lunch with David at IMM. Went for tuition. Met Mom at Toa Payoh Central where I went to the library and she bought a lot of things.

Saturday
Survived the Orchard traffic by driving down for April's wedding dinner. Went out for drinks with my colleagues. Drove Chee Chuen and Irene home.

Sunday
Took Mom to Ghim Moh Market - her fav market but we had no direct transport for. Went to Uncle's house to see Grandma with breakfast for all of them.

While I've enjoy the use of the car and made productive use of it, it is a huge financial drain. Plus, I also had a couple of minor accidents.

Accident #1 - Hit the kerb and punctured the air tube for the wheel. Had to change the entire wheel. Thank God, my friend's bro had a lobang who did it for him FOC. Just that I was v embarassed by it.

Accident #2 - Parked too near a pillar and ended up with a scratch in front. Sigh...

Accident #3 - Hit the kern at a sharp turn and the wheel cap flew out. Didn't even realised it till I got home. Had to drive back to the spot to find it. It was in the drain. Had to climb down the drain to pick it up. Luckily, Mom was with me. She held on to the wheel cap while I kicked it in. That's how I managed to fix that! :p

These accidents have helped me to be more careful. Let's hope the list ends here...

While it is expensive for me to maintain the car, seeing the satisfaction on Mom's face as I drive her around has made it all worth while. :)

Godma is finally home... after 73 days in the hospital. This is her longest stay ever!

Anyway, she has been taken off the steriods for good and only given morphine to manage the pain. She's going to be on catheter to reduce risks of infection. Her bed has been changed to the hospital-bed-type so she will be more comfortable. The house has been done up for Christmas, her favourite holiday.

She looking good and happy. I hope things will continue to be better for her. :)

My car loan has been approved and UOB has kindly agreed to give me a 100% loan. Thank you UOB! Today, my dealer is going to place the bid for COE. If I can get my COE, perhaps my car can come sooner?

I've finally made the downpayment for my ride. My friend's brother got me a very good deal. If my car loan gets approved, he can start bidding for my COE. I doubt there any chance of a $2 COE. If I can get it under $5K, I'm more than happy... lolz...

If everything works out well, my car should come before Chinese New Year. Hope I can get it in the colour I want. :)

I passed my driving test today! Now can finally begin car shopping. :)

Latest Updates

I've been coping well with my driving lessons... a bit of an idiot I must say... I'm a nut who can park but have difficulties with lane changing and directional change. My instructors are having a good laugh at me. I can do the advanced stuff but not the easier ones... quite silly, right?

Godma's still in hospital. Wound is clean but not healing. She is not eating enough protein for the wound to heal nicely. Doctors cannot do the skin graft until they see some healing in the wound. Until the skin graft is done, she's still on contact precaution.

Pray that we see some changes soon.

Godma's MRI results

We were all very worried about the results and have been hoping for good news.

The good news was that there was no brain tumour, swelling or fluid build-up in the brain. However, the MRI showed a tiny spot in the lobe lining. At least that tumour (all mass are called tumours) is not present with symptoms like vomitting, dizziness or severe headaches. So the doctors will just leave it alone and monitor it closely. But if it starts to present symptoms, then they will operate and remove the spot.

Blood counts, platelet counts, hydration level, blood sugar and infection are all under control and looking good. The insulin drip has also been taken off and she is now on oral tablets instead. The only thing to watch closely is the infection in her leg and now that they have drained it, it should heal and she must be very careful that it does not get infected again. Diabetic nurse will be coming in everyday to teach Godma to identify the high and low blood sugar levels and what to do when either presents itself.

However, the infection has bacteria so she's on contact precaution. This means we have to gown up and put on surgical gloves before we enter the room. Other than that, Godma is looking well and should recover well. She is eating a lot more despite the taste of hospital food was yucky. I promised her that as soon as she is allowed outside food, I'll buy something nicer for her.

She's also bored and missed her Sci-Fi and BBC channels on cable TV... lolz... Hopefully, things stabilize soon and she can be discharged sooner. But definitely, we are not rushing the discharge. We don't want her to come down with another bout of infection when she gets home.

Something about me...

I've been updating about Godma's condition lately and there's none about me... lolz...

Good News #1

I'm on to Stage 3 in my driving! Yay! Another step closer to getting my license and my 'Hello Kitty' car! :)

Good News #2

My convocation is next Thursday afternoon. I'm finally graduating! Sounds stupid since I've graduated last December but I somehow never felt quite graduated until the convocation is over and some dean gives you your certificate on stage.

I went to collect my gown at Serangoon Broadway last Sunday. When the lady put the gown on for me to try and see if the size fits, I suddenly felt like tearing... the realisation that I am graduating has finally sunk it. That had made my last 4 years of work all worth it.

Maybe this might motivated me to take my Master's? Let's see how things go... ;p

Godma was looking a lot better when I saw her yesterday. However, she has run out of veins to poke (her poor hands are all bruised) so a cannula line was attached. Drips, blood taking etc would be done through that.

Her condition is still rather inconclusive. A CT scan was done on Monday but no dye was used so there was not much contrast to show. Preliminary findings are not showing anything very serious aka no fluid collection. This probably equates to good news at the moment. An MRI was done today on the head, brain and nerves to see what the radiologist can pick up. This was done to rule out possible tumours in the brain. Doctors are worried because her vision is not good and there is an occasional double-vision.

The doctors wanted to do a minor op yesterday to remove the abscess in the thigh. Unless the pus is removed, the intravenous antibiotics could not get rid of the root of the problem. When they took blood to prepare for the op, haemoglobin level was low. As a result, they had to transfuse a packet of blood before the op. The transfusion took place when I left last evening. The op was done this afternoon at 2.30 pm. When I messaged Aunt Carol at 7 plus, she was still in recovery. I'll drop by tomorrow night to see how things are.

Hospital visits in last week...

I made a trip twice to the hospital last week on Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon.

On Thursday evening, things were not quite improved. She could barely recognized people... her medicine and chemo have affected her eyesight. On Tuesday, when she was warded, she did not even remember Aunt Carol, her own sister. At least on Thursday, focusing took a while but once she could recognize people, she would break into a smile. Lennel and Richard were there and she remembered the Mahjong game we had on her bed and how Richard didn't want to play. However, she had no memories of how she got warded and what the doctors and nurses are doing to her.

She was still on saline drip to combat dehydration, intravenous antibiotics and the doctors added one more... insulin drip. The reason why she was warded was the infection and high blood sugar caused her to become sleepy and caused hallucination. When I left, after 6 hours of insulin drip, her blood sugar level was high... unreadable on the machine. Seems like when she was warded, she was very lucky because if we were any moment later, she would have gone into shock. Once again, God's miracles are shining on her.

On Saturday, when I went, things were much improved. Doctors have limited visitors to 2 at a time to reduce infection risk. She is more aware of people and things around her, except she will ask the same questions over and over again... memory retention is rather poor. Blood sugar has come down so if things improve, they would put her on insulin jabs to monitor her response to it. That's going to add more routine to her regular one... once a day self-administered insulin jabs. She was still on saline and antibiotic drips.

She is sleepy all the time but this is good... I seriously think that she is making up for lost sleep for all the months she had been wheelchaired bound. Hopefully, with enough good and deep sleep, her body can rejuvenate and heal and repair faster.

For anyone who wants to visit, it is not encouraged at this point. Wait till she's discharged... Thanks! :)

Waiting for miracles...

Godma is back in the hospital again. There's an infection so she's now on intravenous antibiotics. She's also severely dehydrated. Doctors are observing her and putting her through scans to make sure everything's okie. Hopefully, this is yet another miracle for all of us...

Happy Teacher's Day!

Today, I took Godma on a Teacher's Day treat to The Cookie Museum @ Esplanade Mall. I must say that tea there is absolutely fabulous. We tried the Museo de Chocolate and the Three Queen's Teacake. Sinful but delightful! Very English and much to her liking...

The most fantastic was the cookie sampling. They had wonderful flavours of cookies of all kinds and they were preservative-free and low sugar. They even had savoury cookies like mushroom, nasi lemak, ikan billis and laska. Aruna bought the Madeline Rose and Laska while Godma bought Nasi Lemak.

This special treat is also to help her enjoy before she begins chemo tomorrow. She going to the hospital at 9 am tomorrow for a blood test and if everything works out well, chemo begins in the afternoon.

The chemo news, which I got last week, is a really good news. God is a good God and His timing is always perfect. When the doctors gave us news in April - May that there's nothing more to be done, we have all been praying for a miracle and been going for healing services monthly. Finally, the miracle came when the oncologist decided to book Godma for chemo last week. This was after she told Godma last year that she didn't want to try for anything cos there was no use prolonging Godma's life when she was going to be in pain (cos of the tumour in the spine) and she was not going to enjoy a good quality of life. Godma put off seeing her for a year because she didn't want to get affected by such news. After much nagging from the neurosurgeon, Aunt Carol booked an appointment and received the good news.

If this chemo works out well, Godma may enjoy another 2 - 5 years again. I believe that if God has made a way for this impossibility to happen, He will make another miracle to awe us with his great provision. After all, the pastor's wife has share with us that there were many mugs in Godma's life for God to fill and only two have been filled. His grace is sufficient for us and we were healed by His stripes. I believe that we shall see yet another miracle again.