This weekend has been a really enjoyable one. I kicked off the weekend by having durian buffet @ Cafe Vic, Carlton Hotel with Rachel, Cherise, Jeanette, Sara and David on Friday night. The food was worth every bit of what we paid for. There was delicious braised crab soup, black pepper crabs, roasted lamb, steamed herbal chicken, grilled slipper lobster, grilled pork etc. And of course, the highlight were the durian dishes such as seared scallop with durian and mango, durian prata, durian chicken wrap, durian creme brulee, durian bobo chacha, durian pudding, durian fritters and best of all, freshly opened D24 durians... I could barely move after dinner, let alone sleep well. Was simply too stuffed! Plus had to down a can of beer to get rid of the heatiness.
With all that said and done, next year, I'll be looking forward to the next durian buffet that they would be having.
Saturday, I was at Vivo City having tea with Godma and an ex-college teacher. Pity I was never taught by him. The ex was there with his family and looking at his son, I am so convinced I am not cut out for motherhood at this point. Biological clock is definitely not ticking at all. Much as I like kids, I draw the line at carrying them for no more than 5 min. The only lucky babies to ever stay in my arms for 2 hours were Baby Chloe (Michelle's princess) and Baby Leanne (Jasmine's princess). Sadly, I seem to have no liking for male babies.
The strangest thing was the ex was not happy that I was joining for tea. He was worried that his wife would feel jealous. Whatever for? Me thinks that he has forgotten that I was the one who walked out of the whole relationship and has never looked back since. In fact, I would not be where I am today if I actually stayed n the relationship. Despite the many sacrifices that I had to make, there no regrets cos I am too much of a free spirit to be tied down. Anyway, Godma told him that if his wife had such feelings, it was probably because of him. Hooray for Godma! Lolz...
Tonight, I will be at Plaza Singapura with Godma and her family. We are going to celebrate Uncle Martin's birthday. It's teppanyaki at Sakae Sushi, my first time trying out the food there.
I better head down to gym later today... need to work out the calories after the weekend of feasting.
Sunday, July 27
Friday, July 18
Godma finally penned down her experiences to encourage her students... Read about it in http://gatsr.blogspot.com/
Honestly, I am very proud of her. She is the strongest person I've known... not in physical strength but by sheer will... She even told me that cancer is not a disease of the body but of the mind. When cancer patients lose hope, that's when everything deteriorate...
She's God's living testimony that miracles can exist.
On a brighter note, one of my colleague, who was very depressed when she was unsure if she could get her transfer, is finally getting the transfer. I believe that miracles happen and if the transfer is truly in God's plan for me, He will give me the miracle and protection I need to see me through...
Honestly, I am very proud of her. She is the strongest person I've known... not in physical strength but by sheer will... She even told me that cancer is not a disease of the body but of the mind. When cancer patients lose hope, that's when everything deteriorate...
She's God's living testimony that miracles can exist.
On a brighter note, one of my colleague, who was very depressed when she was unsure if she could get her transfer, is finally getting the transfer. I believe that miracles happen and if the transfer is truly in God's plan for me, He will give me the miracle and protection I need to see me through...
Wednesday, July 16
By the grace of God, the VP replied me and told me that the clerk will call me to arrange for a chat. Honestly, I'm very worried. Godma told me to keep my fingers crossed... it's a broad area i'm crossing so I may not get it and with competition from others applying, it might be tougher.
Anyway, my career thus far is made up of a lot of impossibilities... God has opened many doors for me to try out many things. No matter how tough they were and how many sacrifices I had to make, I have no regrets. I have been given opportunities to try out many new things.
I believe that if God has opened this window of opportunity for me, I believe that he will give me another miracle. Even if it does not work, I have no regrets cos at least I tried.
Anyway, my career thus far is made up of a lot of impossibilities... God has opened many doors for me to try out many things. No matter how tough they were and how many sacrifices I had to make, I have no regrets. I have been given opportunities to try out many new things.
I believe that if God has opened this window of opportunity for me, I believe that he will give me another miracle. Even if it does not work, I have no regrets cos at least I tried.
Monday, July 14
God will make a way
With faith as small as a mustard seed, God has answered my prayers and has made a way for me to apply for a transfer. Now, I'm believing for a miracle... that I will be called up for an interview, it will be successful, I will get a place and my P would actually be willing to let me go and not give me a hard time.
Friday, June 27
Always have Plan B!
A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather die than to live another year in prison.
Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening when the caretaker would return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free.
The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do it.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring. She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom. The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with a thud. Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her.
To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker.
Many people believe they have life all figured out..... but sometimes it just doesn't turn out the way they planned it.
Think of a 'Plan B'!
Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to breathe until later in the evening when the caretaker would return to the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it, and set her free.
The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do it.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring. She got up and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails. Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom. The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground. She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with a thud. Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside her.
To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker.
Many people believe they have life all figured out..... but sometimes it just doesn't turn out the way they planned it.
Think of a 'Plan B'!
Thursday, June 19
First Scrapbook Attempt Completed!
My first scrapbooking is finally completed!Nice?
I really think it's not too bad for my first attempt... considering how I was the bane of all my Art teachers cos I used to fail art.
This will definitely inspire me to create more... especially when doing this is so therapeutic
My first scrapbooking attempt
I am probably one of the most uncreative person around but after hearing my colleagues rant and rave about scrapbooking and a trip to Laine's Papeterie at Wheelock Place, I was inspired to begin my first.
Now, all I need are the pictures to complete it. Stay tuned for the update! kekee...
Now, all I need are the pictures to complete it. Stay tuned for the update! kekee...
Wednesday, June 18
My Life Thus Far
This June has been a very good holiday for me. For the first time in my life, I neglected work... going to school only on the days required. The 2 weeks break which we were officially given, I did not step into school at all!
My Melbourne Trip was fantastic! Now I finally understand why people like to retire in Australia. I loved the winter weather which had an average temperature of about 8 - 12 degrees. We stayed in Trueman's Cottage at Rosebud. The cottage was beautiful!
Here is the lovely garden right outside our door. There is a lovely fountain, although with no water. The tree has Christmas lights strung around it so it will direct Uncle Martin where the cottage is.
Here's
the room which I shared with Rosy, my godma. Notice Crinkles sitting on the bed? Crinkles is the teddy bear who has travelled with her on all her holidays. Unfortunately, with all her things and the wheelchair, we forgot to take him out. He spent most of his time in the room. Poor Crinkles!
His consolation? We took him out to Great Ocean Drive where he got to enjoy lovely Devonshire Tea with us.
Even the Macdonald's in Oz is more interesting than what we have here. While I was there, they were having Flavours of the Games promotion, to celebrate the Olympics. There was McEurope (which was yummy!), McAmerica, McAfrica, McAsia and McAustralia burgers which were launched every 2 weeks. Wish I was there long enough to try everything!
I also enjoy my first theatre performance overseas. We watched Boeing, Boeing at The Comedy Theatre. The most fantastic thing? You are actually allowed to eat and drink in the theatre. We had ice-cream during the intermission. This might sound a lil crazy but I actually really love eating ice-cream during winter.
Other places we visited were Moralto's vineyard, Arthur's Seat and the Moonlight Sanctuary where I had so much fun feeding kangaroos, bettongs and tawney frogmouth (a breed of owl). I only wished I could stay there a little longer. Will definitely want to return there again soon.
Over last weekend, I spent it at Batam with friends for spa and shopping. Personally, I found it a rather boring place for shopping. The only shopping delight? Groceries. It is always half the price you would pay here. No wonder there were people carrying large boxes of instant noodles and huge bags of groceries on the return ferry.
I think this was the best 2 weeks of my hols I have spent in the last 2 years. I was totally relaxed!
However, I think I'm seriously allergic to hot weather work. The minute I returned to Singapore and back to school, the migraines have started. Sigh...
Well, I guess we always have to count our blessings. At least, I really enjoyed the 2 weeks. Although term 3 has not begun, I'm already looking forward to the Sept hols... haha... hope the 10 weeks pass quickly and hols come faster.
My Melbourne Trip was fantastic! Now I finally understand why people like to retire in Australia. I loved the winter weather which had an average temperature of about 8 - 12 degrees. We stayed in Trueman's Cottage at Rosebud. The cottage was beautiful!Here is the lovely garden right outside our door. There is a lovely fountain, although with no water. The tree has Christmas lights strung around it so it will direct Uncle Martin where the cottage is.
Here's
the room which I shared with Rosy, my godma. Notice Crinkles sitting on the bed? Crinkles is the teddy bear who has travelled with her on all her holidays. Unfortunately, with all her things and the wheelchair, we forgot to take him out. He spent most of his time in the room. Poor Crinkles!His consolation? We took him out to Great Ocean Drive where he got to enjoy lovely Devonshire Tea with us.
Even the Macdonald's in Oz is more interesting than what we have here. While I was there, they were having Flavours of the Games promotion, to celebrate the Olympics. There was McEurope (which was yummy!), McAmerica, McAfrica, McAsia and McAustralia burgers which were launched every 2 weeks. Wish I was there long enough to try everything!
I also enjoy my first theatre performance overseas. We watched Boeing, Boeing at The Comedy Theatre. The most fantastic thing? You are actually allowed to eat and drink in the theatre. We had ice-cream during the intermission. This might sound a lil crazy but I actually really love eating ice-cream during winter.
Other places we visited were Moralto's vineyard, Arthur's Seat and the Moonlight Sanctuary where I had so much fun feeding kangaroos, bettongs and tawney frogmouth (a breed of owl). I only wished I could stay there a little longer. Will definitely want to return there again soon.
Over last weekend, I spent it at Batam with friends for spa and shopping. Personally, I found it a rather boring place for shopping. The only shopping delight? Groceries. It is always half the price you would pay here. No wonder there were people carrying large boxes of instant noodles and huge bags of groceries on the return ferry.
I think this was the best 2 weeks of my hols I have spent in the last 2 years. I was totally relaxed!
However, I think I'm seriously allergic to hot weather work. The minute I returned to Singapore and back to school, the migraines have started. Sigh...
Well, I guess we always have to count our blessings. At least, I really enjoyed the 2 weeks. Although term 3 has not begun, I'm already looking forward to the Sept hols... haha... hope the 10 weeks pass quickly and hols come faster.
Saturday, May 31
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
"I Love You" are three words that are so easy to say but often very hard to act on. Trials and tribulations are therefore set to test us in our understanding of love.
Love is a dependency. When we love, we will always depend on others even as we draw strength from them. It is always easy to say we love God but we often have no time to prove we do. There will always be things that will take us away from simply spending time in His presence. While God does not create trials and tribulations, he allows them to happen so that we will learn to draw strength from Him. Therefore when we are weak, these are the moments when we have to fall to our knees and pray even harder so that His grace and love will surround us and give us strength to see us through our trials and tribulations.
Of a more earthly nature, Gary Chapman talks about five languages of love - words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. For me, while I do show love through all five ways, the main channel is still through acts of service.
To me, God has given me the gift of servant-hood to apply myself in service to others. My life seems to be one of service, be it in the professional and social aspect. Whenever I serve, it is always a sacrifice I make to better the life of another. It can inconvenient me as well as drain me in the physical, emotional and spiritual sense. However, He has never let me down. Whenever, I am discouraged by the trials and tribulations placed in my service to others, He will always bring me down to my knees and teach me to pray even harder to depend of His wisdom and strength. In doing so, I get strength to continue serving people and in doing so, serving God. I never realised it until He slowly reaffirmed this time and time again.
Recently, there have been many trials and tribulations that have weaken me.
Professionally, I don't feel I'm managing so well. I feel like I have lost my internal compass and is not too sure of the direction I should continue to take. The direction which I was very sure to go seems to have done nothing but to add to the stress that has ravaged my poor health. As a result, I seem to be having a declining quality of life. This has left me rather distressed and frustrated because I hate not knowing what I am doing or where I should continue to go.
After endless cries for wisdom and guidance, His answer was to focus and concentrate on what I do best at... teach. I have in no way failed because of a lack of ability. Merely, the want to do well in all things have led to a high level of stress I am subjecting myself to, leading to ravaged health. I believe that for me to focus on merely teaching is not to declare that I have failed. Rather, it is for me to restore and strengthen the foundation of my health and pedagogical skills so that when I do rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes, I will come back stronger and better, able to soar higher than before.
Socially, it was not good news to see Rosy's legs grow weaker day by day till present state. However, God has given her strength and wisdom to face life's everyday challenges. On my part, I am very glad to be of service to the family in anyway I can. For the first time today, I helped to shower Rosy. While she was embarassed by the incident, I am glad that God has placed me there to be of service to her. She was there to guide me when I was at my weakest. This is the little I can do for her to show how much I love and care.
Our prayers have slowly been coming to pass and I believe God's miracles will happen. We just have to wait for His, not our, right moment for them to happen.
1 Corinthians 13:13
"I Love You" are three words that are so easy to say but often very hard to act on. Trials and tribulations are therefore set to test us in our understanding of love.
Love is a dependency. When we love, we will always depend on others even as we draw strength from them. It is always easy to say we love God but we often have no time to prove we do. There will always be things that will take us away from simply spending time in His presence. While God does not create trials and tribulations, he allows them to happen so that we will learn to draw strength from Him. Therefore when we are weak, these are the moments when we have to fall to our knees and pray even harder so that His grace and love will surround us and give us strength to see us through our trials and tribulations.
Of a more earthly nature, Gary Chapman talks about five languages of love - words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. For me, while I do show love through all five ways, the main channel is still through acts of service.
To me, God has given me the gift of servant-hood to apply myself in service to others. My life seems to be one of service, be it in the professional and social aspect. Whenever I serve, it is always a sacrifice I make to better the life of another. It can inconvenient me as well as drain me in the physical, emotional and spiritual sense. However, He has never let me down. Whenever, I am discouraged by the trials and tribulations placed in my service to others, He will always bring me down to my knees and teach me to pray even harder to depend of His wisdom and strength. In doing so, I get strength to continue serving people and in doing so, serving God. I never realised it until He slowly reaffirmed this time and time again.
Recently, there have been many trials and tribulations that have weaken me.
Professionally, I don't feel I'm managing so well. I feel like I have lost my internal compass and is not too sure of the direction I should continue to take. The direction which I was very sure to go seems to have done nothing but to add to the stress that has ravaged my poor health. As a result, I seem to be having a declining quality of life. This has left me rather distressed and frustrated because I hate not knowing what I am doing or where I should continue to go.
After endless cries for wisdom and guidance, His answer was to focus and concentrate on what I do best at... teach. I have in no way failed because of a lack of ability. Merely, the want to do well in all things have led to a high level of stress I am subjecting myself to, leading to ravaged health. I believe that for me to focus on merely teaching is not to declare that I have failed. Rather, it is for me to restore and strengthen the foundation of my health and pedagogical skills so that when I do rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes, I will come back stronger and better, able to soar higher than before.
Socially, it was not good news to see Rosy's legs grow weaker day by day till present state. However, God has given her strength and wisdom to face life's everyday challenges. On my part, I am very glad to be of service to the family in anyway I can. For the first time today, I helped to shower Rosy. While she was embarassed by the incident, I am glad that God has placed me there to be of service to her. She was there to guide me when I was at my weakest. This is the little I can do for her to show how much I love and care.
Our prayers have slowly been coming to pass and I believe God's miracles will happen. We just have to wait for His, not our, right moment for them to happen.
Friday, May 23
Yay! The holidays are here!
This holiday is especially special to me cos it is a time for me to really rest well to build up my ill health. Hopefully, my vacation overseas will really help me to recharge my batteries.
This holiday will also be home improvement time! I will be quite busy at home, helping to tidy up the place. Went with Mom to Courts at Toa Payoh today to buy new furniture to replace our sofa, a new wardrobe for more storage area as well as a drawer for my room.
It's time to role-switch from teacher to homemaker! lolz...
This holiday is especially special to me cos it is a time for me to really rest well to build up my ill health. Hopefully, my vacation overseas will really help me to recharge my batteries.
This holiday will also be home improvement time! I will be quite busy at home, helping to tidy up the place. Went with Mom to Courts at Toa Payoh today to buy new furniture to replace our sofa, a new wardrobe for more storage area as well as a drawer for my room.
It's time to role-switch from teacher to homemaker! lolz...
Sunday, May 18
Heat is driving me nuts!
The temperature in Singapore has been soaring and it can get extremely unbearable in the afternoons for me. And with my flu not completely recovered, the heat is inducing chronic migraines ie migraine practically every afternoon. This really sucks cos I have to teach in the afternoon sessions.
Thanks to my migraine, my social life has completely been screwed. I can't really go out very much cos my migraine usually strikes in the afternoons... haven't been going to my gym, cell group and even service. Sigh...
In the end, I have been attending service at the church opposite my house so that with less travelling, my migraine will ease. Can't say that helped a lot... but at least it was the pain was reduced to a dull throb.
I must be a strange Singaporean to be allergic to heat.
Btw, Happy 17th birthday Josh! Even if I spent the afternoon sleeping in your house...
Thanks to my migraine, my social life has completely been screwed. I can't really go out very much cos my migraine usually strikes in the afternoons... haven't been going to my gym, cell group and even service. Sigh...
In the end, I have been attending service at the church opposite my house so that with less travelling, my migraine will ease. Can't say that helped a lot... but at least it was the pain was reduced to a dull throb.
I must be a strange Singaporean to be allergic to heat.
Btw, Happy 17th birthday Josh! Even if I spent the afternoon sleeping in your house...
Friday, May 16
Holidays are coming...
It's a sorry state of your career when all you can look forward to are your holidays. After working for the last 8 years, I've reached a career burn-out. I'm dragging my feet to school each day cos I'm really tired of all the stress that I've been put through. To make things worse, my health is suffering... for the last 3 weeks, I've been down with flu and migraines. The meds are no help cos they are only symptomatic treatments.
Anyway, all systems go for this June hols. I'm off to Melbourne with Rosy and the family from 4th to 10th June and to Batam with some friends from 14th to 15th June. Everything has been booked, payments have been made, I'm ready to have a good time and rest well this hols!
Where shall I go at the end of the year? Korea seems to be calling me back again... kekee...
Anyway, all systems go for this June hols. I'm off to Melbourne with Rosy and the family from 4th to 10th June and to Batam with some friends from 14th to 15th June. Everything has been booked, payments have been made, I'm ready to have a good time and rest well this hols!
Where shall I go at the end of the year? Korea seems to be calling me back again... kekee...
Tuesday, May 6
Sleepless in Queen's
Since the weekend, I have been sleeping very poorly. Tomorrow the kids begin their English paper. I am very worried about the results. The thought of the post exam results analysis is enough to drive me to the depths of depression. I really hope they do well and I can escape a blood bath... sigh...
Thursday, April 24
Rosy - my second mom
These two days were a real awakening to my cowardly nature and my inability to take bad news. I must have been 'sunny' or 'desperately trying to remain sunny' for so long... dealing with the crap that Life throws at me until I can't seem to recognise when I really need to rant and rave to get negative emotions out of my system...
Yesterday afternoon, I received bad news from Aunt Carol (Rosy's sister) that the MRI results are out and the last bout of radiosurgery which she went through in Jan did not managed to blast the tumour in the spine away. In fact, her doctors have said that there is nothing more medical science can help her at this point. They have refered her to the Pain Management Unit and Hospice Care to help her deal with the pain.
When I heard the news, I was kinda shell-shocked. The first thing I thought of was to rush to the hospital and sit with her. Although I didn't stay for very long, at least I was there to hear what the doctor had to say.
Praying for a miracle is not great news that any patient wants to hear but that's what's I'll be praying for nightly. I really believe that Rosy has been God's miracle child for the last 10 years... by sheer will, she has overcome the obstacles that have been placed. And each time as the doctors seem to lose hope, there would be medical breakthroughs just in time to renew hope. This time, even as her doctors keep a lookout for new medical breakthroughs, I'll be praying that God will answer my prayers and the breakthroughs will be just in time.
It seems strange that I should take it so hard even though we have no blood relation. If fact, when both my grandfathers passed away, I was not even a least bit affected. The only time I cried was when they were about to be cremated.
Maybe cos I have not thanked her enough for all she has done to me. In fact, I will always be indebted to her. She was more than my college Literature teacher... she taught me about life, saw hope in me when I didn't even see any in myself. In fact, part of the success I have today is thanks to the skills that she taught me.
I was not much of a bookworm in school. I was always the underperformer. Instead of running after me for what I couldn't do, she gave the job of the Drama Club Secretary, making me run after people. It is this people management skill that has served me well in my workplace till now.
She has also encouraged me to keep educating myself, upgrade to keep it. Maybe I should really start thinking seriously about taking up a Masters'.
The friendship we have built over the years have transcended that of ordinary friends. To me, I go to her for advice more than I actually go to my mom. Though I've never told her, she's like my second mom.
Right now, I just wanna spend more time with her... quickly get a license so I can buy a car and drive her around... treasure her while I still can...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
- Auguries of Innocence William Blake
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yesterday afternoon, I received bad news from Aunt Carol (Rosy's sister) that the MRI results are out and the last bout of radiosurgery which she went through in Jan did not managed to blast the tumour in the spine away. In fact, her doctors have said that there is nothing more medical science can help her at this point. They have refered her to the Pain Management Unit and Hospice Care to help her deal with the pain.
When I heard the news, I was kinda shell-shocked. The first thing I thought of was to rush to the hospital and sit with her. Although I didn't stay for very long, at least I was there to hear what the doctor had to say.
Praying for a miracle is not great news that any patient wants to hear but that's what's I'll be praying for nightly. I really believe that Rosy has been God's miracle child for the last 10 years... by sheer will, she has overcome the obstacles that have been placed. And each time as the doctors seem to lose hope, there would be medical breakthroughs just in time to renew hope. This time, even as her doctors keep a lookout for new medical breakthroughs, I'll be praying that God will answer my prayers and the breakthroughs will be just in time.
It seems strange that I should take it so hard even though we have no blood relation. If fact, when both my grandfathers passed away, I was not even a least bit affected. The only time I cried was when they were about to be cremated.
Maybe cos I have not thanked her enough for all she has done to me. In fact, I will always be indebted to her. She was more than my college Literature teacher... she taught me about life, saw hope in me when I didn't even see any in myself. In fact, part of the success I have today is thanks to the skills that she taught me.
I was not much of a bookworm in school. I was always the underperformer. Instead of running after me for what I couldn't do, she gave the job of the Drama Club Secretary, making me run after people. It is this people management skill that has served me well in my workplace till now.
She has also encouraged me to keep educating myself, upgrade to keep it. Maybe I should really start thinking seriously about taking up a Masters'.
The friendship we have built over the years have transcended that of ordinary friends. To me, I go to her for advice more than I actually go to my mom. Though I've never told her, she's like my second mom.
Right now, I just wanna spend more time with her... quickly get a license so I can buy a car and drive her around... treasure her while I still can...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.
- Auguries of Innocence William Blake
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Monday, April 21
The closer I walk with God, the more sensitive I become to his prompting. I've learnt to become less stubborn and listen more.
Recently, a well-meaning tried match-matching me with her bf's friend. I wasn't all that interested but I wasn't adverse to it either. It doesn't hurt to go out a couple of times to see how things might turn out.
Well, after 2 dates, I started feeling rather uneasy. During a quiet time, God gave me a verse.
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"
(2 Corinthians 6:14)
I don't consider myself extremely staunch or religious. But as this verse kept appearing in my mind over and over again, it has to be a sign.
Maybe it just isn't time for me yet. It is just as well.... I just have too much things on my plate at this time. If I had the time, I wanna spend more time with my loved ones. Especially when a very close friend has been in and out of hospital lately...
No one knows what tomorrow may bring... I would rather live for the present moment so I won't have future regrets. When the time is ripe, things will just naturally occur.
Afterall, there's a time and season for everything.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
Recently, a well-meaning tried match-matching me with her bf's friend. I wasn't all that interested but I wasn't adverse to it either. It doesn't hurt to go out a couple of times to see how things might turn out.
Well, after 2 dates, I started feeling rather uneasy. During a quiet time, God gave me a verse.
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"
(2 Corinthians 6:14)
I don't consider myself extremely staunch or religious. But as this verse kept appearing in my mind over and over again, it has to be a sign.
Maybe it just isn't time for me yet. It is just as well.... I just have too much things on my plate at this time. If I had the time, I wanna spend more time with my loved ones. Especially when a very close friend has been in and out of hospital lately...
No one knows what tomorrow may bring... I would rather live for the present moment so I won't have future regrets. When the time is ripe, things will just naturally occur.
Afterall, there's a time and season for everything.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)
Friday, April 4
Jokes galore
1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'
2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....
3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'
4. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'
5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '
6. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'
2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....
3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'
4. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'
5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '
6. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'
Sunday, March 2
Before You formed me in the womb, You knew me;
Before I was born, You set me apart;
(Jeremiah 1:5)
Right from the very beginning, my life was not my own to walk. You have set my path before me and I was merely a traveller of my destiny. You gave me many opportunities to get to know You. Each time You took one step towards me, I took one step back. I kept running from You. Maybe I always knew what You demanded from me and I was not willing to give...
You never promised me that my life would be easy. I merely assumed that it would be. By my own foolishness and sheer stubbornness, I strayed from the path that you set for me. In that process, I stumbled and fell many times, losing myself and the potential You placed in me. I ranted and raved at You for not giving me any short cuts and keeping my battles tough. I never understood until now...
Through my battles, You moulded my character. You set a great destiny for me and You knew that I would never get there unless You toughened me up. You knew that I would run from You but You never wasted the moments that I struggled through. Because of them, I gained wisdom and could now share my experiences with others. With You, there was never a wasted moment... it was just merely part of my destiny.
Through my struggles, I was never alone. My experiences may have left me deep scars from the wounds I have received. However, You were always there, healing and mending my broken heart. Because of You, I was kept broken before you but I was never a broken person. Because of that, I am now a much stronger person. I have confidence to wear my scars on my sleeves because I'm not ashamed of who I was.
From the time I took one step towards You, You took many steps towards me, revealing the destiny that You have set for me. While it amazes me with what You have in store for me, it also frightens me. What You have set for me demands great capacity and there are moments I doubt the capacity you have placed within me. Am I really destined for this greatness You have set for me?
Whenever I cast self-doubt, You give me fresh revelations that only serve to frighten me. Whenever I get frightened, You open new doors for me to rise up another level. You send angels in the form of my family and friends to minister to me and encourage me. Bit by bit, You have torn me down. You filled me with a hunger to be less of myself and more of you.
Today, what You revealed to me only served to remind me of the calling You have given me, the destiny that you have placed in me. Thank You for reminding me that everything I do is making a difference by serving the people around me. That the work that I do daily is shaping a life, day by day. Thank You for reminding how to be Your good and faithful servant - my ministry towards you. Thank You...
As You take me up another level, these are moments I need to be filled with Your wisdom over and over again. I need to walk in Your revelation. Teach me to lean not by my own understanding but by Yours. Give me grace that abounds greatly so goodness and mercy can follow me all the days of my life.
This blog entry was inspired by Corrinne May's Scars (Stronger for life) from her Beautiful Seed album.
I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"
When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead, drowning in my tears
Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life
Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand
Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see
Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me
PS: Thanks Corrinne for this beautiful song. You are truly an amazing singer/songwriter. May God continue to annoint you with more beautiful songs.
Before I was born, You set me apart;
(Jeremiah 1:5)
Right from the very beginning, my life was not my own to walk. You have set my path before me and I was merely a traveller of my destiny. You gave me many opportunities to get to know You. Each time You took one step towards me, I took one step back. I kept running from You. Maybe I always knew what You demanded from me and I was not willing to give...
You never promised me that my life would be easy. I merely assumed that it would be. By my own foolishness and sheer stubbornness, I strayed from the path that you set for me. In that process, I stumbled and fell many times, losing myself and the potential You placed in me. I ranted and raved at You for not giving me any short cuts and keeping my battles tough. I never understood until now...
Through my battles, You moulded my character. You set a great destiny for me and You knew that I would never get there unless You toughened me up. You knew that I would run from You but You never wasted the moments that I struggled through. Because of them, I gained wisdom and could now share my experiences with others. With You, there was never a wasted moment... it was just merely part of my destiny.
Through my struggles, I was never alone. My experiences may have left me deep scars from the wounds I have received. However, You were always there, healing and mending my broken heart. Because of You, I was kept broken before you but I was never a broken person. Because of that, I am now a much stronger person. I have confidence to wear my scars on my sleeves because I'm not ashamed of who I was.
From the time I took one step towards You, You took many steps towards me, revealing the destiny that You have set for me. While it amazes me with what You have in store for me, it also frightens me. What You have set for me demands great capacity and there are moments I doubt the capacity you have placed within me. Am I really destined for this greatness You have set for me?
Whenever I cast self-doubt, You give me fresh revelations that only serve to frighten me. Whenever I get frightened, You open new doors for me to rise up another level. You send angels in the form of my family and friends to minister to me and encourage me. Bit by bit, You have torn me down. You filled me with a hunger to be less of myself and more of you.
Today, what You revealed to me only served to remind me of the calling You have given me, the destiny that you have placed in me. Thank You for reminding me that everything I do is making a difference by serving the people around me. That the work that I do daily is shaping a life, day by day. Thank You for reminding how to be Your good and faithful servant - my ministry towards you. Thank You...
As You take me up another level, these are moments I need to be filled with Your wisdom over and over again. I need to walk in Your revelation. Teach me to lean not by my own understanding but by Yours. Give me grace that abounds greatly so goodness and mercy can follow me all the days of my life.
This blog entry was inspired by Corrinne May's Scars (Stronger for life) from her Beautiful Seed album.
I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"
When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead, drowning in my tears
Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life
Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand
Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see
Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me
PS: Thanks Corrinne for this beautiful song. You are truly an amazing singer/songwriter. May God continue to annoint you with more beautiful songs.
Saturday, March 1
Catharsis
The term in drama refers to a sudden emotional breakdown or climax that constitutes overwhelming feelings of great sorrow, pity, laughter or any extreme change in emotion that results in the restoration, renewal and revitalization for living.
(compliments of dictionary.com)
That was how I felt when I watched 'The Leap Years' today. It's a beautiful movie... albeit a lil sappy. In this story, Li-ann (played by Wong Li-lin and Joan Chen), an idealistic Literature teacher (who is born on 29 Feb), meets Jeremy at Windows cafe and was inspired to ask him out to fulfill the tradition of 29 Feb which allows women to propose dates to men. This begins their love story... with a date that only can happen every 4 years.
In the story, many facets of love has been played out.
We see unrequited love played out in the form of Qi Yiwu as KS who was in love with Li-ann since they were children.
There is the foolish hoping against all odds for something that may not materialise in the form of Li-ann hopelessly waiting for the second leap year to see Jeremy again, only to be disappointed when she realises that she was a third party and that he is married and has a daughter.
There's the acting brave to show others you are on the stage of recovery in the form of Li-ann pretending to be married and having a 2 year old daughter when she meets Jeremy.
There's also the pretending to be happy when in fact settling for second best since you can't have what you want, hoping that you can convince everyone you have moved on.
In the movie, there was a line from Jeremy where he says that it takes courage to be single as many people settle in relationships for the fear of being lonely.
That line was like cartharsis for me. Why? I have clung on to a relationship, where I settled knowing that we are just too different. I gave 'Him 1' chances again and again so we could come to middle ground, only to realise that I was the one who constantly gave in, walking over to his 'middle ground', losing myself in that process. I became a different person, gradually losing my spirit, becoming a shadow of my former self. It was only after he left for an overseas posting, friends who saw me commented that without him by side, my spirit was gradually returning and I was my bubbly, spirited self again. This was the wake up call that I could okie by myself and there was no need to settle in a relationship for the fear of being lonely.
I have also fallen in love 'Him 2' cos we seemed to have great chemistry and communication. Though there was never any step forward, I clung on, hoping that he would one day accept me. However, it ended up as an unrequited love when I realised it was not meant to be cos he was too self-absorbed.
There's also 'Him 3' where he had strings attached to an unresolved relationship. I ended up the third party whom he turned to when he was 'lost'. The first breakup with him devastated me to the point I was unable to concentrate on work. My depression led to me falling sick frequently during that period. After a month, he came back to me and I accepted him again. There began an emotional roller-coaster which dragged for almost a year. In the end, it took wisdom to realise that it was never meant to be and walk away from it all.
After these failed relationships, I bummed around like an emotional zombie, acting brave and pretending to be happy on the outside to show others I was okie. I just didn't want people to worry about me.
Thankfully, time really did heal most wounds. I have gained wisdom from these relationships as well as watching friends' successful relationships to realise what most important in a relationship. However, deep wounds do leave scars and although I've come out of my experiences stronger, I'm also battle-scarred by my experiences.
Right now, I don't think I'm ready for any relationship. Seriously, I don't think I can survive another heartbreak again. If I do commit this time, I hope to have a 'happily ever after'. Maybe to some, I might be a romantic fool. I'm really just a romantic idealist who still believe in 'love happily ever after' and is still searching for my 'happily ever after'.
Maybe sometimes, patience is the key to finding what I'm still searching and waiting for. Hopefully, reel imitates real and my patience can yield results one day, allowing me to find the 'Him', my Platonic 'other half'.
(compliments of dictionary.com)
That was how I felt when I watched 'The Leap Years' today. It's a beautiful movie... albeit a lil sappy. In this story, Li-ann (played by Wong Li-lin and Joan Chen), an idealistic Literature teacher (who is born on 29 Feb), meets Jeremy at Windows cafe and was inspired to ask him out to fulfill the tradition of 29 Feb which allows women to propose dates to men. This begins their love story... with a date that only can happen every 4 years.
In the story, many facets of love has been played out.
We see unrequited love played out in the form of Qi Yiwu as KS who was in love with Li-ann since they were children.
There is the foolish hoping against all odds for something that may not materialise in the form of Li-ann hopelessly waiting for the second leap year to see Jeremy again, only to be disappointed when she realises that she was a third party and that he is married and has a daughter.
There's the acting brave to show others you are on the stage of recovery in the form of Li-ann pretending to be married and having a 2 year old daughter when she meets Jeremy.
There's also the pretending to be happy when in fact settling for second best since you can't have what you want, hoping that you can convince everyone you have moved on.
In the movie, there was a line from Jeremy where he says that it takes courage to be single as many people settle in relationships for the fear of being lonely.
That line was like cartharsis for me. Why? I have clung on to a relationship, where I settled knowing that we are just too different. I gave 'Him 1' chances again and again so we could come to middle ground, only to realise that I was the one who constantly gave in, walking over to his 'middle ground', losing myself in that process. I became a different person, gradually losing my spirit, becoming a shadow of my former self. It was only after he left for an overseas posting, friends who saw me commented that without him by side, my spirit was gradually returning and I was my bubbly, spirited self again. This was the wake up call that I could okie by myself and there was no need to settle in a relationship for the fear of being lonely.
I have also fallen in love 'Him 2' cos we seemed to have great chemistry and communication. Though there was never any step forward, I clung on, hoping that he would one day accept me. However, it ended up as an unrequited love when I realised it was not meant to be cos he was too self-absorbed.
There's also 'Him 3' where he had strings attached to an unresolved relationship. I ended up the third party whom he turned to when he was 'lost'. The first breakup with him devastated me to the point I was unable to concentrate on work. My depression led to me falling sick frequently during that period. After a month, he came back to me and I accepted him again. There began an emotional roller-coaster which dragged for almost a year. In the end, it took wisdom to realise that it was never meant to be and walk away from it all.
After these failed relationships, I bummed around like an emotional zombie, acting brave and pretending to be happy on the outside to show others I was okie. I just didn't want people to worry about me.
Thankfully, time really did heal most wounds. I have gained wisdom from these relationships as well as watching friends' successful relationships to realise what most important in a relationship. However, deep wounds do leave scars and although I've come out of my experiences stronger, I'm also battle-scarred by my experiences.
Right now, I don't think I'm ready for any relationship. Seriously, I don't think I can survive another heartbreak again. If I do commit this time, I hope to have a 'happily ever after'. Maybe to some, I might be a romantic fool. I'm really just a romantic idealist who still believe in 'love happily ever after' and is still searching for my 'happily ever after'.
Maybe sometimes, patience is the key to finding what I'm still searching and waiting for. Hopefully, reel imitates real and my patience can yield results one day, allowing me to find the 'Him', my Platonic 'other half'.
Friday, February 29
Thursday, February 28
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