Twelve Valuable Steps to Raise Your Self Esteem

As adults, we can choose the messages we accept or reject.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

"Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight," says Jeffrey Keller. "Yet, I believe every person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?"

If your answer is yes, here are 12 steps to get you started:

Step One

Stop comparing yourself with other people.

There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.

Step Two

Stop putting yourself down.

You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments.

Step Three

Accept all compliments with "thank you."

Ever received a compliment and replied," Oh, it was nothing." When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You."

Step Four

Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem.

On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

Step Five

Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.

Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

Step Six

Associate with positive, supportive people.

When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible environment to raise your self-esteem.

Step Seven

Make a list of your past successes.

This doesn't necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school, receiving an award or promotion, reaching a business goal, etc. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

Step Eight

Make a list of your positive qualities.

Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

Step Nine

Start giving more.

I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that you must begin to give more of yourself to those around your. When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.

Step Ten

Get involved in work and activities you love.

It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.

Step Eleven

Be true to yourself.

Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

Step Twelve

Take action!

You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

The "real you" is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others.

As your self-esteem grows, this "real you" emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren't as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world.

Most importantly, high self esteem brings you peace of mind ... when you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.

home sweet home...

I'm finally home from my 5D/4N trip to Cambodia. Pictures will be up later.

I must say that this has really been a very enlightening trip for me. I gotta admit that I was shaken by the extent of the poverty I saw. Yet, I was impressed by the tenacity of the people there...

Day 1

Met some of my group mates and had breakfast with them... was quite glad my group mates were really nice people. There wasn't any annoying or anti-social peeps on the trip.

On the plane, I met my roomie and she turns out to be my secondary school senior. Recalling fond memeories of our secondary school definitely helped us to break ice. She is a really nice gal and I was glad I got a nice roomie... we shared rooms for the next 4 nites.

Touching down, we visited the Angkor Silk Farm where we were educated on the intricate processes of silk making. Thereafter, we went to the Les Artisan d'Angkor where we learnt more about wood-working, stone carving and polychroming of objects.

Next, we went off for lunch and then back to the hotel for a short rest. About 3 pm (Cambodian Time, 1 hr behind Singapore Time), we left for the Floating Village of Chong Khneas, along the Tonle Sap Lake. It was a very humbling trip for me. Along the way, we saw the houses that the country folks lived in. It was so small and heart-wrenching. My own bedroom is even bigger than their small little house.

Along the Floating Village, I was amazed by the resourcefulness of the Cambodian people. They lived on the boats so that their house would float with them as the lake floods during the monsoon seasons. I was also struck by how simple their lives were. Play-time for the children were simply swinging on the hammock! The older boys would play pool at the "community centre / games centre" on a boat.

I now truly understood the meaning of the river as a source of life for the people. The people literally live off the river... They cook, wash and bathe from the river, do their " big and small business" into the river and fish from it.

We also saw the floating boats which went from "house" to "house" to sell goods. The Cambodians knew we were tourists so they chased our cruise boat to get us to buy food and drinks from them. The children leaped off their boat and clung on to our boat. These kids were really tenacious man!

After the boat trip, we adjourned to dinner with the Aspara Dance Show. Kinda reminds me of Balinese dances... We also went off for massage after that. It was Thai massage for US$6 per hour. It was my first Thai massage and I was shocked that it was rather painful. Left me some bruises for memories... lolz. But I must admit that I really felt very relaxed after that.

When we finally returned to the hotel, we heard voices along the corridor so my roomie and I went out to investigate. A bunch of them were playing games in the room. My roomie and I joined them to get to know them.



Day 2

After breakfast, we visited Angkor Thom, the ancient capital of Khmer. In the afternoon, we visited Angkor Wat. It was really beautiful and amazing standing on ancient relics and to witness the restoration work taken to save these relics. It was a sureal experience for me...

We had dinner before going off for massage again... This time, this place we went to wasn't as good as the first night. When we came back, we were invited yet again to play games but we din go cos we were too tired...

Day 3

After breakfast, we travelled by coach to Phnom Penh. The ride was a interesting experience. First, our coach was stopped by the police because we did not have a tour guide travelling with us to Phnom Penh. After some arguing with the police and phone calls to the company, we were on our way. Barely an hour later, our coach tyre experienced a puncture at the outskirts. Our driver had to change the tyre with a few of our heroic boys and gals.

The changing of tyre was a series of mishaps... first, the cross-bar and the part to turn the bolt were dented. He had to wait for another coach to stop so he could borrow parts. Then, in the midst of changing the tyre, he cut himself on the arms and his slipper also broke... We all felt so sorry for him so we increased the tips we gave him.

By the time we reach Phnom Penh, I was having a headache... Thankfully, lunch was good so I felt a lot better after that. The activities after lunch was a little depressing. We visited the Tuol Sleng Museum and the Killing Fields of Choeung Uk. It was a dark Cambodian past and I felt very sicken by the horrors human beings can inflict on another human. Although one can say that the horrors should be laid to rest since it's history, history has proven to often repeat itself in different forms, different ways. I just hope that in this lifetime, I will never have to hear of such horrors again...

Dinner was a fantastic restaurant with fantastic ambience... I really needed that as a perk-me-up after the afternoon. By night, I was so exhausted that I collapsed in bed by 10pm.

Day 4

We visited the Royal Palace and the Silver Pagoda located within the palace grounds. We also visited the National Museum, which contained a vast collection of Khmer art. In the afternoon, we visited the Russian Market (Psah Tuol Thom Pong) and the Central Market (Psah Thmey) where I had a great time shopping and bargaining for price. Only thing I din like... the Russian Market was extremely cramped and claustophobic... I nearly fainted there... lolz..

At night, we went on a Sunset Cruise on the Mekong River, along the Phnom Penh riverfront. The feeling was so surreal that it was beyond words for me... After dinner, I finally got to visit a casino for the first time... Naga World Casino. It was very interesting watching how people play the casino games such as jackpot, bacarat, big/small and roulette. But I had no urge to do so... complete waste of money... lolz

There was a really nice fair across the road with rides, games and food! Much like the pasar malam I remembered when I was young... the pasar malam today no longer have as much rides and games. They mostly sell food, cds, clothes or hardware.

By the time we return to the hotel, I felt a little sad cos we had to pack up... in a flash, my holiday has just breezed past and I have to return to reality already... I only wished that it wasn't so soon... sigh...

I also re-thought a lot of things this holidays and will be re-aligning some aspects of my life to help myself live a fuller life.

Looking forward to hopefully take a short trip in December...

Your Birthdate: November 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Feeling quite bummed out that this holidays hardly feels like a holiday... been working everyday checking books and files... me thinks it's only a holiday cos I dun see my kids... sigh...

Cambodia... please come sooner... ;P

Here's a lil something to cheer everyone up... no offence to any Malaysians out there... I love Malaysia and have lots of Malaysian friends...

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WHY CHEWING GUM IS BANNED IN SINGAPORE
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A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia. He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's coffee house. A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual conversation.

Malaysian : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

S'porean : "Of course."

Malaysian : "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Malaysian : "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

S'porean : "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam, before we sell it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted : "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian : "Why, of course we do"

S'porean : "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian : "Of course! We wear condoms."

S'porean : "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Malaysian : "Stupid question ! Of course we throw them away."

S'porean : "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia, ... & that's the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore."

Take the time to live ...

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in.

"Mom let's run through the rain," she said.

"What?" Mom asked.

"Lets run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain,"

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran! We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...

So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.

To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. They say:

It takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but an entire life to forget them.

Take the time to run through the rain... Take the time to live!!!

But don't forget to keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each other!