Updates on Godma...

She has been out of the hospital for 2 weeks and is resting at home now. Although she was supposed to go back to school, she hasn't been looking too good so Aunt Carol extended her medical leave for these 2 weeks.

Honestly, she hasn't been doing too well since she left the hospital. She's suffering and it's plain to see. Her hospice nurse would like her to be put in full-time hospice care. She feels that current home care is insufficient to see to her needs. This is true... Lilik (God bless her heart!) has been doing her upmost best to care for Nana and Godma (Godma has jokingly called her house 'The Fernvale Nursing Home'). She tends to the bed sores, wounds etc the way she was taught by Aunt Carol or the hospice nurse when she goes on home visits. However, Lilik is not a trained professional. There is only so much she can do. While the hospice nurse wants Godma in full-time care, she doesn't realise that it's Godma who doesn't want it. Aunt Carol has been told to persuade her but we know what she will flare up.

Godma is a force of nature... She has a will-power that never cease to amaze me. I have never met someone with a stronger will to live than her and it is this will that does not allow her to give up. She will often try to mask whatever suffering she goes through to assure us she's fine. Like when I told her she looked a lil peaked today from sleep deprivation, she was super alert the whole afternoon and refused to lie down for a nap. She does all kinds of things to reassure us she's ok. However, we do sense her insecurities from her subtle actions. She has been down with a slight diarrhoea these couple of days but she refuses to take medication. She also hasn't been sleeping well but she refused to take sleeping pills for fear that she would not wake up.

It has been difficult for me to see what she's going through and how her health has been deteriorating each week I see her. When I go over each week, I can see how frail she's becoming. She doesn't talk much these days (gradual losing of voice) and when she does, it is also weak and frail compared to the past. Movement has also become slow for her has she doesn't have much strength in her hands and fingers. Sometimes, she will have difficulties opening her pill box to get her meds out. When I'm there, I don't do much except watch telly with her and help her out whenever she needs help. But I know she enjoys having someone accompany her, even if it's just for a while.

Sometimes when I look at her, I wonder if she is hanging on, because she loves and appreciate life too much to go or she hangs in there for us, because she knows we are not ready to say goodbye to her. Regardless, life is transient and while I do not know how long more Godma can spend with us, I would like to spend as much time as I can so there will be no regrets when the day comes.

Like Lulu's 'To Sir, With Love' goes,

But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn't easy, but I'll try

A friend who taught me right from wrong
And weak from strong, That's a lot to learn
What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon, I would try to make a start
But I, would rather you let me give my heart
To Sir, with Love

Give Thanks!

In this past month, God has been good and faithful in many areas of my life.

In my career...

Performance bonus was out. I was worried that I wouldn't do well as I got to a bit of a rocky start last year and personally, I knew I wasn't functioning at my best. I felt like I wasn't valued in what I do. However, the quantum given for my performance bonus has assured me that I was on the right track. In fact, I was more than grateful for this as it is the highest I have ever gotten in 6 years. Praise God... With the money, I was able to clear my loans more quickly.

I've also been promoted. This equates to having extra $$$ which came in at the right time. I have given up doing tuition to spend more time with loved ones and was worried that I would be financially tight with a car to maintain. Having the extra dole means I don't have to keep counting pennies... lolz

Just when I feel like I wasn't heading anywhere in my career, I was called in to my VP's office yesterday. She asked if me I was ready to go for the Level Head interview. If I clear the interview, I would be officially appointed and be given an allowance for the work that I have been doing. Frankly, although I have been doing the work so I might as well be paid for it, I am thankful that this came when I feel like I'm in a transition. When I attended a meeting, I did indicate my interest in joining HQ so I was contacted by HQ officers this week. Though neither positions were secured, I am able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and am filled with new hope that my career is not stagnated.

As for my car...

My friend's brother called me this morning to tell me there there are a few good second-hand cars which would be auctioned off in May. This means that I would be able to get an almost brand-new car (they are only a few months old) and a lower price, making my car ownership more affordable. This means that I would be able to own my own car by May.... Hello Kitty car, here I come!

With good things happening, how not to give thanks for what I have been given? While it is important to give thanks, my Mom reminded me to bless others with what I have. This is so true! The more you give and share, the more you will be blessed abundantly....