Terribly overweight Irishman is put on a diet

Doctor: You eat regularly for 2 days, skip a day
Repeat for 2 weeks
Next time we meet, you should have lost at least 5 pounds

Irishman returns after having lost nearly 60 lbs !!

Doctor: Amazing ! Followed my instructions?

Irishman: (nodding his head) Almost dropped dead by the 3rd day !!

Doctor: From hunger ?

Irishman: NO......... From the bloody skipping !!!

Timeless...

Bro introduced this to me... it's so beautiful... here's the Korean and English version for you to enjoy...

Korean version:



Lyrics:

An dwae yo nal, no, a beo ri myeon
Him deul eo do yeo gi deo, meo mul lo yo
Jo geum man do, bol, su i da myeon
Nam eun sa rang man keum uso bol, taen dae

Timeless, i byeol eun a ni jyo
Han bon eui sarm i ra myeon ji geum oo, rin dae
Hold tight baby
Timeless, i ga seum ae mud o yo
Sun gan eui yeol byeong cho rom jam shi man, a peul bbun i ni
We both agree
This is timeless, love

Sae sang eun da, ha na, ga ji man
Seul peum ma jo ham kkae ga neun geon ga yo
No mu geu ri wo ddo nal, bul ro, bun geu dae
Ma eum bbun in sang cho man mo mul gaet, jyo

To hae haen nun mul sam ki myeon, geu ddae so ya ar gae dwir kka yo
Nae son jab a yo, ddo na gae mal a yo

Timeless, i byeol eun a ni jyo
Han beon eui sarm i ra myeon ji geum oo, rin dae
Hold tight baby
Timeless, i ga seum ae mud o yo
Sun gan eui yeol byeong cho rom jam shi man, a peul bbun i ni
We both agree
This is timeless, love

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Baby, it’s timeless
Oh baby it’s timeless

Timeless dol a gal su i, do rok
Sun gan eui yeol byeong cho rom jam shi man, a peul bbun i ni
We both agree
This is timeless
This is timeless, love


English version:



English Lyrics:

Baby come close let me tell you this
In a whisper my heart says you know it too
Baby we both share a secret wish
And you're feeling my love reaching out to you

Timeless
Don’t let it end (no)
Now that you’re right here in my arms where you should stay
Hold tight baby
Timeless
Don’t let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
This is timeless love

I see it all baby in your eyes
When you look at me I know I feel it too (yes I do)
So let's sail away and be forever baby
Where the crystal ocean melts into the sky
We shouldn’t let the moment pass
Making me shiver let’s make it last
Why should we lose it don’t ever let me go

Timeless
Baby its timeless
Oh baby its timeless

Timeless
Don’t let it fade out of sight
Just let the moments sweep us both away
Lifting us to where
We both agree
It’s just timeless
It’s just timeless

Love

Funnies... Just for laughs!

An oral surgeon was scheduled to extract four wisdom teeth from Jim, a high-school football player, who had opted to be sedated for the procedure.

As the intravenous anaesthesia was being administered, the doctor asked Jim
how he was feeling.

"Man," he replied, struggling to keep his eyes open, "I feel like I'm in
English class."

~~~~~

The minister asked the little girl, "Do you know what's in the bible?"

"Yes," she responded, "I think I know everything that's in it."

Surprised, the minister siad, " That's a pretty big claim for someone your size, go ahead and tell me."

The girl started out, "Well... let's see... there's a picture of my brother's girlfriend, a ticket from the dry cleaners, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon.

~~~~~

A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.

Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.

After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said 'Amen, Pharaoh'?"

His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"

~~~~~

A lawyer was reading out the last will and testament of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:

"To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me during the rough times, as well as the good : the house and $2 million."

"To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going : the yacht, the business and $1 million."

"And to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would not remember him in my Will, you were wrong : Hello Dan!"

There's something about this period that is bringing out maudline feelings in me... maybe cos of Valentine's Day and the Chinese New Year.

Valentine's Day is a trying reminder to the singles out there... reminding you that you dun have a valentine (which is why I use it as an excuse to celebrate Friendship day!) It is also reminding how relationships dun seem to work out for me for some strange reasons... Maybe it's because my life is pretty much unsettled at the moment.

My best friend, J, is getting married this June and this is bringing out a strong yearning in me for a stable relationship that has long term potential. Looking at her fiance (WK)'s relationship, it's a reminder for me for what works and doesn't work in a relationship. When a relationship works, things just seem to fall naturally into place and there will seem to be little obstacles between the pair aka character differences, differences in opinion etc. While there are little quarrels here and there, it will serve to draw both closer, rather than divide. J was telling me, over dinner one evening, that somehow things will happen for me when my life achieves some form of stability...

I'm convinced of what she said cos it did seem to work out for her. A part of me also believes her cos I'm a hopeless romantic...

In truth, I haven't had time to eally think about what I really want from relationships. And this is why they have never really worked out. After brooding and mulling over this, I realised that all I want is to find someone who can complement me - enjoy the same activities as I enjoy, share my belief system, share similar love languages as I do, share my joys and sorrows etc. Kinda idealistic but then, I'm a hopeless romantic! I believe that for every one person, there is a certain someone out there for him or her... kinda fits like a jigsaw puzzle. I really believe that that someone out there really exist for me... and maybe, I might find him somewhere, somehow...

Chinese New Year is both a happy and uncomfortable time for me - happy cos it's a time of family reunion plus I'm pretty lucky at Mahjong during this period... hehee... Uncomfortable cos it always feels strange for me when I visit my paternal side. It's a reminder of your dysfunctional family and how you are the only child there without any parents accompanying you (except for your brother). The feeling of family reunion is lost for me at my paternal side...

Thankfully, it only lasts for half a day and my life seems to be back to normal in terms of routine. Only the maudline feelings remain... kinda a bitter-sweet experience.

Which strengthens my belief that I can only find someone who can complement me... I dun wan marriage for me to be a compromising affair - where I simply find someone cos I'm afraid I will be left on the shelf. There are some things in life that we can compromise but marriage is certainly not one of it. I have had friends who compromised and are stuck in unhappy relationships. Some are lucky to be able to recover that romance while some were less fortunate... I never hope my children will go through the same things which I went through... no doubt it made me tough, it was a hard road of experience to tread...

Can angels take the form of animals?

As we know, everyone who is in heaven is a saint. But there are also "official" saints, those recognized for all the good they did here on earth. One who couldn't have succeeded without a particular heavenly helper was St. John Bosco, whose feast day we observed on January 31st.

John was born in Becchi, Italy in 1815, and although he grew up in poverty, he had a wise and loving mother, who saw that he got an education. Before John had reached his teens, he was already experiencing wonderful dreams about his future. It seemed clear that he was to become a priest, and work with homeless boys, saving them from the streets, educating them and teaching them about God. Just how this was all to come about was not explained in the dreams. John set out to accomplish the task anyway.

The street kids that he dealt with were rough, angry and not all that interested in reforming their lives. Often they would rob John when he approached them. Gradually, he won over the younger ones, and established group homes for them. But the assaults continued. And because many of John's rescued boys were hard to handle, the citizenry was not exactly thrilled with his mission. Often, they too attempted to drive him out of the area. (Teenagers were considered a pain by many then too.)

One autumn evening in 1852, John Bosco was making his way across the most broken part of the slum district. He was alone and depressed. (Yes, even saints get depressed.) "Lord," he prayed, "I know you want me to care for the least of your children, but I can't go on being mugged and robbed, and still do the work you've assigned me. How about a little help?"

Suddenly John noticed a dog behind him. Or was it a wolf? The creature was huge and grey...but friendly. Timidly John called it, and the dog trotted up and took his place alongside John, as if he had been trained to do so. "I'll call you Grigio," John told the dog (Grigio" means "grey" in Italian). The two strolled along in silent companionship until John reached his house, and the dog left, as if his job was done. But it wasn't. A few days later, John had to travel through a dangerous area, where he had once been beaten by street thugs. He was apprehensive but…there was Grigio! Again, the canine bodyguard stayed next to John, until he reached his home. How had he known?

Thus began a tender pattern - John walking alone, the dog suddenly appearing and escorting him to safety. On one occasion someone behind a tree fired two shots at John. They missed, and the shooter aimed again. But Grigio raced at him, teeth bared, and the man fled. Another time, as John was walking down a dark and unfamiliar street, two men threw a sack over his head, obviously intending to kill him. Suddenly John heard barking. Yes, although he hadn't seen his faithful companion, here came Grigio again,growling and driving the men away. A few days later, Grigio saved John's life in an ambush. A dozen men had surrounded him with their sticks raised to strike when Grigio arrived upon the scene. Of course everyone fled.

The animal became popular, for he sometimes came into John's house, and allowed the smaller boys to play with him. But his appearances always had a purpose. Sometimes it was to meet John at the door before some journey; sometimes to escort John safely home, even when John was unaware of danger. At least once, Grigio even prevented John from going out. He lay down on the threshold and barred the exit. "Grigio, move aside!" John commanded, but the dog resisted, and John eventually gave up and took off his coat. About an hour later, John's neighbor rushed in to warn John that another trap had been set for him. Grigio had saved him again.

By now, John realized that something heavenly was going on. And as if to confirm it, the dog appeared as John was on his way to visit a farmer. When they arrived, John brought the dog inside. Grigio lay down quietly in a corner while the family ate. But when they had assembled leftovers for Grigio's dinner, they could not find him! No doors or windows had been open, yet he had vanished.

For over thirty years, as John Bosco traveled Italy, saving boys and establishing the Salesian Society, a new order of priests, faithful Grigio continued his inexplicable but wondrous mission (and never grew any older!). To this day, if a Salesian priest is in danger, a large grey dog sometimes appears, just at the right time.

God sends angels in many forms. Even dogs? You decide.

Ode to my Mom

My mom, in my opinion, is the greatest mom i could ever ask for... all these years, she had always been my champion, providing me with moral support especially in the area of my studies. I never was a good student... I was not failing but I din exactly get the best of grades either... She never made me feel inferior to my brother, who comparably scored better grades than I did... Instead, she would encourage me, telling me that having the best grades were not the most important. What was more important was that I enjoyed what I did and I did my best...

She has also supported me financially through my studies... Though I paid her back, she never failed to ask me if I needed help with my school fees. She would deposit the cheque in my account so I could sign for my school fees and earn my UNI$ points. She has also never harassed me to return the money. As long as i did return, which showed her I was financially responsible, it was enough for her...

I have a job that required me to put in ridiculously long hours... I leave the house at 6.30 am and I'm never home till almost 8 pm. Weekends, I'm also rarely free... having to do my marking, lesson plans, set and vet through exam papers etc. She does all the housework at home so I have a clean and comfortable house to come homw to...

I cannot ask for a better mom than her... one who has so unselfishly placed her children's needs above hers... and yet, request for so little in return...

On this special day, all I wanna say to her is "Happy Birthday" and thanks for always being there for me!

Although I missed service to spend a great birthday dinner with her and my aunts and cousins, this was remembered by her. She was very touched by my gesture... At least I did honour my Mom... I think I made God proud too! Hehee...

Happy Valentine's Day!

For the single souls like moi... be glad you never receive cards like this!

MARIANE'S VALENTINES (Rejected by Hallmark Cards)
by Mariane Holbrook - from www.marianeholbrook.com

# 1
With all my heart I love you,
With all my heart I care;
I still have one big question, though,
"Do you still dye your hair?"

#2
You look so lovely in that dress
I even love your hat.
Is it okay to tell the world
You've gotten sorta fat?

#3
My valentine, I love you so,
You fill my heart with bliss.
If you'd just put your teeth in
Then I might enjoy a kiss.

#4
Dear Valentine, you are so dear,
I love your tender touch.
Let's just forget your mother said
You'd not amount to much.


A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."


When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old, Billy, was utterly amazed, and a little bit
disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his mommy's tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick.

When he did, however, the baby was suddenly still.

"Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap," shrugged Mary.

"A nap?" Billy marveled. "You mean there's a bed in there too?"


A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart".

"Is this her first child?" The doctor asked.

"No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"


A successful lawyer bought a brand new Lexus and brought it in the parking lot to show his colleagues. A truck drove by and tore off the door. He dialed 911. The police came but the lawyer started screaming hysterically. "I just bought this car and it's ruined."

When the lawyer wound down the policeman shook his head in disbelief and said, "I can't believe how materialistic you are. You are so focused on possessions. Don't you notice anything else?"

The lawyer asked how he could say such a thing.

The policeman said, "Don't you know that your arm is missing from the elbow down?"

The lawyer screamed, "Oh, no. my Rolex is gone!

plagued by poor health...

Something is wrong with my body for the last 3 weeks...

For the last 2 weeks, I was plagued by back pains caused I slipped and fell outside, hitting my tail bone when I landed. Nothing too serious but I just couldn't bend down normally...

This week, I'm down with flu... Maybe I should consider lucky that I'm among the last to kena flu at my workplace already.

Hopefully, I recover soon so I can back to my normal routine... so sianz being ill...

My Personality

Neuroticism	54
Extraversion	67
Openness To Experience	90
Agreeableness	37
Conscientiousness	66

You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. Stressful and frustrating situations can often be upsetting to you, but you are sometimes able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

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This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA.

An Indian man walked into a bank inNew York City one day and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to India on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Indian man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out.

The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"

The Indian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"

Ah, the brain of the Indian... This is why India is shining !!!!!