There's something about this period that is bringing out maudline feelings in me... maybe cos of Valentine's Day and the Chinese New Year.

Valentine's Day is a trying reminder to the singles out there... reminding you that you dun have a valentine (which is why I use it as an excuse to celebrate Friendship day!) It is also reminding how relationships dun seem to work out for me for some strange reasons... Maybe it's because my life is pretty much unsettled at the moment.

My best friend, J, is getting married this June and this is bringing out a strong yearning in me for a stable relationship that has long term potential. Looking at her fiance (WK)'s relationship, it's a reminder for me for what works and doesn't work in a relationship. When a relationship works, things just seem to fall naturally into place and there will seem to be little obstacles between the pair aka character differences, differences in opinion etc. While there are little quarrels here and there, it will serve to draw both closer, rather than divide. J was telling me, over dinner one evening, that somehow things will happen for me when my life achieves some form of stability...

I'm convinced of what she said cos it did seem to work out for her. A part of me also believes her cos I'm a hopeless romantic...

In truth, I haven't had time to eally think about what I really want from relationships. And this is why they have never really worked out. After brooding and mulling over this, I realised that all I want is to find someone who can complement me - enjoy the same activities as I enjoy, share my belief system, share similar love languages as I do, share my joys and sorrows etc. Kinda idealistic but then, I'm a hopeless romantic! I believe that for every one person, there is a certain someone out there for him or her... kinda fits like a jigsaw puzzle. I really believe that that someone out there really exist for me... and maybe, I might find him somewhere, somehow...

Chinese New Year is both a happy and uncomfortable time for me - happy cos it's a time of family reunion plus I'm pretty lucky at Mahjong during this period... hehee... Uncomfortable cos it always feels strange for me when I visit my paternal side. It's a reminder of your dysfunctional family and how you are the only child there without any parents accompanying you (except for your brother). The feeling of family reunion is lost for me at my paternal side...

Thankfully, it only lasts for half a day and my life seems to be back to normal in terms of routine. Only the maudline feelings remain... kinda a bitter-sweet experience.

Which strengthens my belief that I can only find someone who can complement me... I dun wan marriage for me to be a compromising affair - where I simply find someone cos I'm afraid I will be left on the shelf. There are some things in life that we can compromise but marriage is certainly not one of it. I have had friends who compromised and are stuck in unhappy relationships. Some are lucky to be able to recover that romance while some were less fortunate... I never hope my children will go through the same things which I went through... no doubt it made me tough, it was a hard road of experience to tread...